Not really, but it is discouraging at times. Then I remember God’s faithfulness, and my prayer request, and I smile about it.
Let me explain:
• 429 is the number of matches that I’ve had on eHarmony since November 6, 2008.
• Out of all of those matches 238 are still open; 191 are closed. (I checked out of curiosity.)
• Of those 429, not one of them has ever developed into anything. Not one.
Keep in mind that I’ve posted photos, I’ve polished my profile (and revised it several times), and I’ve tried a mix of icebreakers, wait and see, guided communication questions, and request fast-track options (all familiar communication choices to any of you who’ve been on eHarmony). Nada.
I’ve come to expect that when I see a profile of anyone who interests me in the least, they immediately close the match. The rest of the matches just sit there and languish in the “new” category.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think this is an issue with eHarmony. I think it’s an answer to prayer.
Be Specific with Your Prayer Requests
When I became single again six years ago, my top prayer request was: “Lord, I never want to experience that kind of devastation again. I want you to bring the godly husband you intend me to have, and until that time, I don’t even want to date.”
Trust me: There have been many times when I’ve questioned how it’s possible that no one has asked me for a date in six years. When I’m tempted to get discouraged, God asks me, “So do you want to date, or don’t you?” Of course, he already knows the answer to that question.
I don’t want “a man”; I want “the man” that God intends for me and me for him. And so I wait. Lately, my prayer has become: “Lord, if you don’t intend for me to have a husband again, please remove the desire from me.” He hasn’t, and so I’m left to trust that it’s a matter of timing.
Waiting...Still Waiting...And Waiting...
Have you found yourself playing the waiting game? If you have, be encouraged. God can be trusted during the wait:
“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13–14
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in (wait upon) the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28–31
My Plan or His?
Who knows how many eHarmony matches I will eventually have or whether any of them will ever be the door through which God brings “the one.” We’ll see when it’s all said and done. I truly believe that I could cancel the prayer request and go about the world's way of dating everyone I can get to look my way. But that's truly not what I want, so I’m going to continue to choose God’s plan for my life.
“ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back from captivity.’ ” Jeremiah 29:11–14
Right now his plan calls for waiting. So I wait. John Waller has written a song about this: "While I'm Waiting." I highly recommend it to anyone who's waiting. Here's a sample of the lyrics:
"I'm waiting. I'm waiting on you Lord, and I am hopeful. I'm waiting on you Lord though it is painful, but patiently I will wait. I will move ahead bold and confident taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting, I will serve you. While I'm waiting, I will worship. While I'm waiting, I will not faint. I'll be running the race even while I wait."
Yep, I'm going to wait this one out. Care to join me?
UPDATE to This Post (Spring 2010)
Call me an eternal optimist, but I actually tried to open a new eHarmony account. Perhaps this time the outcome would be different. Round 2 resulted in 288 matches, 0 communicating (total tally from the 2 rounds: 717 matches, 0 relationships developed). God you DO have a sense of humor! Thank you for protecting me from my own impatience! The second account is now also closed.
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I tell ya it is hard sometimes to wait and wait for an answer to prayer, but I'm reminded many times God's timing isn't my own. I was widowed 11 years before I met my 2nd husband, he had been divorced 17 years before he met me. But we both didn't want to date anyone, we prayed for a lifetime relationship and it took that long for us to be ready to meet each other. I think we must wait so that we are emotionally ready when God does answer. Sometimes we think we are ready for it to happen NOW, but God knows us better than we do. We don't see years down the road when the husband injures himself and can't work, so now there's financial pressures or if the wife gets ill long term and now the husband must care for her...you can't handle those kinds of problems unless you're emotionally ready. Don't get me wrong, marriage is a great thing, but I tell ya...don't be in too much of a hurry and try not to get upset if you have to wait...God know just the right time and when He moves, trust me, you won't regret it! You'll thank Him the rest of your life that He waited! :D
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