Yes, Even That

There are times in life—things that happen to us or because of us—that just seem to get us stuck. I met a man in Russia who was in that place. He looked to be around 30, and he’d been drinking. The Russian pastors and interpreter I was with stopped to talk with him in a city park. I’ll call him Ivan, though I honestly don’t remember his name. What I do remember was his face. It was a handsome young face that still looked tense behind the smile, tired beyond his years. He exuded bravado, but as we spoke with him, you could sense his underlying sadness.

We stopped to talk to Ivan to see whether he knew for sure that if something happened to him that day that he would wake up in heaven. What would he say if he stood before God and God said, “Why should I let you into my kingdom?” Many of us aren’t sure how to answer those questions. I’ve been there. At this point in my life, I can honestly tell you that yes, I do know I would wake up in heaven. And if God asked me why he should let me in, I’d say: “Because Jesus died for me and I’ve asked him to forgive me for the times I’ve blown it and save me.” It’s a wonderful thing to have those questions answered.

But back to Ivan. Ivan couldn’t answer those questions because he was stuck. Ivan was one of the thousands of Russian soldiers who had been called to battle insurgents in the region of Chechnya. What Ivan wanted to know was whether we thought it was a sin that he had killed people there. My point to him was that it didn’t matter what we thought or whether it was or wasn’t, because what really mattered was that no matter what he had done, God loved him and there was nothing he wouldn’t forgive or couldn’t heal.

I think that’s the rub for a lot of us. We know way too much about the things that we’ve done in this life, and we get hung up on whether we’ve finally crossed a line at which point God just doesn’t want to have anything to do with us. On the flip side, maybe things have been done to us that have left us angry and bitter with God. Those of us who are the biggest on the idea of free will and doing what we want often struggle the most with wanting to blame God for the wrongs done to us when others have acted out of their own free will. It’s a bit of a paradox.

I’ve never been called on to fight for my country. I’ve never had to kill anyone in battle. I don’t know what it is to bear the burden of war memories. But I’ve done plenty of things that make me shutter to think of them. Things that I should have known better than to do. Things have been done to me that have left a mark even now. But this I know. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. How do I know that? Because he says so: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:28, NIV)

He also tells me “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.” (Romans 8:1, 31–34 NIV).

The bad news—and the good news—is that there is not a thing that any of us can do to change our past, whether 10 minutes or 10 years ago. It’s the past. But we can stop letting our past determine our future. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14, NIV)

Both of those passages (in Philippians and Romans) were penned by the apostle Paul, who before his conversion to Christianity led the persecution and execution of Christians. Think there was any baggage from his past that would have weighed him down if he had let it?

We must leave the past behind. But we can’t really do that on our own. We do that when we get honest with God. Maybe we need to tell him about some of the wrongs we’ve done and ask for his help to live life differently. Maybe we need to admit that we’re angry with him or someone else but that we want to forgive. Make a conscious decision to forgive and say it out loud. Then ask him to change our emotions that go with those memories; help us to see those circumstances or those people through his eyes.

How can it be that simple? I don’t know, but it is. Take King David for example. David is probably the most famous king in the Old Testament. David reigned at the height of Israel’s power as a nation. God referred to him as a man after his own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). That’s a pretty high compliment.

Before David was king, he was a shepherd. One of the first stories recorded about him is of his killing the giant Goliath with only a slingshot and his faith that God would help him defeat Israel’s enemy. He went on to be known for his valor in battle to the point that Saul, Israel’s king at the time, was jealous because the Israelites only credited Saul with killing thousands, but David his tens of thousands (I Samuel 18:7).

David was a talented writer and musician who wrote many of the Psalms. But David also was human. He blew it on many occasions. This was the same guy who slept with his neighbor’s wife, got her pregnant, then figured out a way to kill off her husband to cover his tracks. Did this get David voted off God’s island? Not at all. Yes, there were consequences to his actions, and yes they were devastating. (His and Bathsheba’s son died shortly after birth, and he grieved bitterly.) But here’s the important part of the story. When confronted with the truth about what he had done, David admitted he was wrong (2 Samuel 12), and God forgave him.

Despite his failures in life, David continued to be God’s appointed ruler. His line was blessed to be the ancestor of Jesus Christ himself, and God promised that the messiah would reign on David’s throne. To this day, Jews and Christians look at David’s life as both an example of how to worship God and a cautionary tale about the problems we can create for ourselves when we get off of God’s path.

I don’t know where you got stuck. Maybe it was a divorce. An affair. Something you never thought you could do but did. Something that you never thought would happen to you but did. Here’s what I know from experience, either my own or that of people I love dearly: There is not enough alcohol, drugs (legal or illegal), money, sex, or anything else in this world to fix “it.” Inevitably, any of those things used wrongly just increase our problems. But there is a solution: Give it to God.

The Christian rock group Third Day has a song called “Take It All” that speaks to this: “All the promises I’ve broken, all the times I’ve let you down. You’ve forgot them but still I hold on to the pain that makes me drown. But now I’m ready to let it go, to give it away. Take it all, ‘cause I can’t take it any longer. With all I have, I can’t make it on my own. Take the first, take the last, take the good and take the rest. Here I am, all I have, take it all.”

Maybe you’re thinking, ok I can give him these three memories, and those two bad habits, but there’s no way I can give him this one thing. It’s too awful. Or I need it too badly. Here’s what he would say: Yes, even that. Especially that one thing. No matter what that thing, memory, person, or habit is, give it to him. He will gladly take it and bear it for you. He said that he came “to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:2–3, NIV)

Stop for a moment and consider what you’ve been holding back from God. No matter how big or small, ugly or seemingly harmless, that is the thing you need to give to him. Yes, even that.