Inspiration for this blog: Part 2

The Heart Mender... I got this name from a vision the Lord gave me while on a 2008 summer mission trip to Russia. I was attending the Barnabas School to teach pastors and lay leaders from all over Russia about "Meditating on the Word and Hearing from the Lord." To say that I felt challenged was an understatement. This was the fifth year in a row that I had an opportunity to make the trip (the second year teaching at the Barnabas School), and this summer more than ever, I felt like I had absolutely nothing to offer.

Beginning in January 2008, I was hit with a bout of clinical depression that threatened to take me under. By the time I recognized it and sought help in March, I feared I was on the verge of suffering a nervous breakdown. It was not pretty. On the outside, I continued to function well at work, and other than the occasional meltdown over parenting power struggles, things continued to go fine at home. But inside, I was a disaster—a mass of gloom and despair.

How could this be happening? I was leading a ladies Bible study group and enjoyed it. I was active in church. I had a wonderful job, a great family, and lots of awesome girlfriends. I was filled with the Holy Spirit, spending time each day in prayer and study, and doing all the right "stuff." But I was overwhelmed with the demands of life—especially single motherhood—and felt that I had come to my breaking point.

I tell you this for two reasons:
(1) You can be doing all the "right" things and still get hit with a vicious spiritual and emotional attack. If you've been there, you know what I mean. If you're there right now, keep pushing through. Get the help you need, and surround yourself with encouragers. (We've all had friends and family like Job who choose the dark times to tell us we must be doing something wrong, or worse, advise us to "curse God and die" (not making that up...Job's wife actually said that to him during his crisis—Job 2:9).

(2) It was in the midst of this "black night" that I had to commit to whether I would make the trip to Russia. Everything in me screamed, "No. I can't do this." But when I prayed about it, God said to go. To be honest, I had a bit of an attitude about it. I kept praying, and he kept giving me the same answer. So I begrudgingly committed to go, and as I did, I told him that it was completely up to him to work everything out—including developing all of the materials that I would teach—because I had nothing to give.

Not surprisingly this is exactly when God can really work in us...when we get out of the way, throw up our hands, and say, "This one is on you, God! So if anything good is going to come of this, you'd better make it happen."

Every aspect of the trip that summer went smoothly. Although donations were down from sponsors that year, I received an unplanned bonus from work that covered the remainder of the cost. My parents asked to fly my son out to Louisiana for much of the time that I was away. (His care while I'm away has always been my greatest point of anxiety.) The timing with work projects came out perfectly. Even the materials for the class came together at a steady pace.

The time came to leave for the trip, and though all of the preparation had gone well, I was still fatigued—emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually—from the months of struggle. Again, I prayed, "I've got nothing to give, so you will have to do this."

Harvest Time

As usual when we commit our time, talents, or funds to do something to help someone else, we always end up getting back more than we invested. So it shouldn't have surprised me that this is exactly what happened for me on this trip. Each morning, the school day started with a devotion and worship service. Every evening ended with a worship and prayer service. One of those evenings, during the worship time, the Lord healed me of years of heartbreak I did not realize I was even still carrying around.

As the group sang, I was talking (praying) through anger issues with God—mostly anger toward myself for making a bad marriage choice and then for the divorce. I envisioned giving all of that anger to Jesus. (I often picture the two of us standing together on a beach, and that's where he was when I handed him this giant, sloppy, black ball of anger from inside of me.)

Next, I saw myself with a broken heart that I handed to him. Jesus took my broken heart, and I watched as he walked around a circle in which all of the boys and men who had ever hurt or disappointed me were standing. My ex-husband. Former loves. The man who molested me at a water park when I was ten years old and couldn't understand what I had done wrong.

As Jesus walked to each of these people, he took back from them a piece of my broken heart. Then, as I watched, he formed all of those broken pieces into one whole heart and placed it in himself. As he did, I was reminded of the Maya Angelou quote: “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in Christ, that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.”

In that moment, I felt entirely safe and loved. Instantly, my broken heart was mended, not like some Frankensteinien patchwork, but new and whole and beautiful. It was safe and hidden in Christ.

“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.” (Proverbs 29:25, NIV)

“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?...For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock." (Psalm 27: 1 & 5, NIV)

Has your heart been broken? Is it still? Maybe like me, you didn't even realize the source of the fear or sadness. Maybe the breaks happened so long ago that it seems they should no longer have any power over you. Or maybe they're so fresh, you're surprised you're not leaving a bloody trail behind you as you struggle throughout the day. Regardless of what stage you find yourself in, there is a Heart Mender waiting to heal those breaks and make your heart new.

The Heart Mender

Isaiah 61: 1 - 3 (NIV, emphasis mine) records this prophesy about the Heart Mender:
"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor."

Hundred of years later, Luke records the day that Jesus read this same passage from Isaiah:

"Jesus returned to Galilee in the power of the Spirit, and news about him spread through the whole countryside. He taught in their synagogues, and everyone praised him. He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written: 'The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor.' Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, 'Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.' " Luke 4:14 - 21 (NIV, emphasis mine)

Be encouraged: The bible tells us that the Lord is not a respecter of persons (Acts 10:34), which is just another way of saying, he loves all his children the same way and desires to bless and heal us all. Ask him today to heal your heart, bind up old wounds, comfort you, and swap your spirit of despair for a garment of praise. Allow him to take your heart and hide it in the only place it will stay safe—in him.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."(Spoken by Jesus, John 15:5, NIV, emphasis mine.)

I don't know about you, but I don't want to lose any more time to a fruitless life. I want every moment to count, and to accomplish that, all I have to do is remain in him. There is no better place for our hearts to be.