We recently added a puppy to our family menagerie. I’m now the only woman in the house with a son, an 18-year-old male cat, a 15-year-old male dog (Jake), and an 8-month-old male puppy (Rascal). As you can imagine, the old dudes didn’t know quite what to think about the young punk when he showed up three months ago, nipping at ears and paws and begging to play. For the most part, they’ve all adapted, though we still have our occasional flare ups, especially when it comes to food.
For those of you with pets, you know that puppies are supposed to eat puppy food for the first year. Old dogs are supposed to eat old-dog food. Each type is specially formulated with nutrients for that stage of the dog’s life.
Being the good dog mom, I’ve bought premium versions of both types of food. The first few times I tried feeding both dogs at the same time, I discovered a whole new form of exercise: the dog food disco. It goes like this: Try to get both bowls down at the same time (so neither feels slighted), then quickly hold each of them back from trying to eat the other’s food while they wiggle, wrangle, and squirm their way to get to the other’s bowl.
I know what you’re thinking: If they want the other’s food so badly, just swap their bowls. Put the old-dog food in the puppy’s dish and vise versa. Yeah, you would think. But they are way smarter than that. Here’s the solution I finally discovered.
Step 1: Fill both bowls.
Step 2: Take both bowls to a chair where you can sit comfortably and have room for both dogs. (This can be treacherous if your dog is like Rascal and can jump three feet straight in the air while walking across the room trying to catch his dish.)
Step 3: Sit down and place a bowl down on each side of you.
Let the Games Begin
Here’s where the dog food disco begins, so pay attention. Each dog will still attempt to get the other’s food. You have to be quicker than they are. Be prepared to pick up and move the bowl out of the wrong dog’s way and set it where only the right dog can get it.
You will find that this is worth a good five to ten minutes of intense cardio (for you and the dogs) as they still try to get to the “wrong” food while you continually pick up and swap the bowls before they can reach the one they're not supposed to have. (You will need good hand-eye coordination for this, and it probably helps to be a bit ambidextrous with good rhythm.) Don’t worry: This will get easier with practice, and eventually they will each eat all of the “right” food just to prevent the other dog from getting to it.
And Your Point Is?...
Okay, so here’s why I’ve shared this with you: God often speaks to me through object lessons, and this was a big one for me. See if you can relate.
God knows just what we need in each of our lives. He has the perfect plan—formula—for us based on our unique wants, needs, gifts, and abilities. He prepares those things for us and gives them to us according to the perfect timing. And then we try to go after what he’s given to the person next to us.
We know that we should be relishing the thing he’s prepared for us, but the other dishes look so much better than ours. If we could only have what the other person had, life would really be good. And then we start the human version of the dog food disco, only our version normally comes with much harsher consequences.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” James 4:1–3
Are You Saying I Just Shouldn’t Ask for Things?
Absolutely not! Here’s what Jesus had to say about asking for the things we desire. “‘Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!’ ” Matthew 7: 7–11
The question is not whether we should ask God for things, but whether we trust that what he’s given us are “good gifts.” Do we know that he’s not slighting us because what he gives us is different than what he gives someone else? Or do we spend our time trying to chase after what another has, despising the dish he’s prepared just for us?
Hmm. I’d love to tell you that I’m always content with what God sets before me, that I never envy what I see someone else receiving, and that I’ve never wasted energy chasing after what they got rather than enjoying the good things God has prepared for me. Unfortunately, that’s just not true.
The wonderful thing about God is that he uses the simple illustrations like the dog food disco to teach me that I can trust him to give me exactly what’s best for me. Now, when I’m tempted to chase after that which I see someone else attaining, I remember that picture: legs, feet, and tails in a tangle, each trying to outmatch the other before finally settling for his own. I chuckle at the thought, and I laugh at myself, and I thank God that he doesn’t just give in and give me the wrong thing I’m chasing after!
Why Doesn’t God Give Me All of the Great Stuff I See Him Giving to Others?
God knows each of us better than we know ourselves. Like a good parent, he’s helping us—refining us—for our unique destinies.
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:2–5
If it’s a trial for you not to chase after what someone else has and not to be angry with God that you don’t have that thing, you are not alone. God promises, though, that such testing of your faith will develop perseverance with the end result being that you don’t lack anything. More than that, God gives us permission to ask for his wisdom in these situations, and he gives it to us without finding fault.
In a nutshell: If you need something, ask for it. Don’t spend your time fussing and battling with others to try to get it. If you don’t get it, trust that every good gift comes from God. Trust that he is developing you so that you don’t lack anything. He knows exactly what you need and when you need it, better than you know yourself.
The Message puts it this way: “Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health, your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst, your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this.” (Proverbs 3:5–12)
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
429 Is the Loneliest Number of Them All
Not really, but it is discouraging at times. Then I remember God’s faithfulness, and my prayer request, and I smile about it.
Let me explain:
• 429 is the number of matches that I’ve had on eHarmony since November 6, 2008.
• Out of all of those matches 238 are still open; 191 are closed. (I checked out of curiosity.)
• Of those 429, not one of them has ever developed into anything. Not one.
Keep in mind that I’ve posted photos, I’ve polished my profile (and revised it several times), and I’ve tried a mix of icebreakers, wait and see, guided communication questions, and request fast-track options (all familiar communication choices to any of you who’ve been on eHarmony). Nada.
I’ve come to expect that when I see a profile of anyone who interests me in the least, they immediately close the match. The rest of the matches just sit there and languish in the “new” category.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think this is an issue with eHarmony. I think it’s an answer to prayer.
Be Specific with Your Prayer Requests
When I became single again six years ago, my top prayer request was: “Lord, I never want to experience that kind of devastation again. I want you to bring the godly husband you intend me to have, and until that time, I don’t even want to date.”
Trust me: There have been many times when I’ve questioned how it’s possible that no one has asked me for a date in six years. When I’m tempted to get discouraged, God asks me, “So do you want to date, or don’t you?” Of course, he already knows the answer to that question.
I don’t want “a man”; I want “the man” that God intends for me and me for him. And so I wait. Lately, my prayer has become: “Lord, if you don’t intend for me to have a husband again, please remove the desire from me.” He hasn’t, and so I’m left to trust that it’s a matter of timing.
Waiting...Still Waiting...And Waiting...
Have you found yourself playing the waiting game? If you have, be encouraged. God can be trusted during the wait:
“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13–14
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in (wait upon) the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28–31
My Plan or His?
Who knows how many eHarmony matches I will eventually have or whether any of them will ever be the door through which God brings “the one.” We’ll see when it’s all said and done. I truly believe that I could cancel the prayer request and go about the world's way of dating everyone I can get to look my way. But that's truly not what I want, so I’m going to continue to choose God’s plan for my life.
“ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back from captivity.’ ” Jeremiah 29:11–14
Right now his plan calls for waiting. So I wait. John Waller has written a song about this: "While I'm Waiting." I highly recommend it to anyone who's waiting. Here's a sample of the lyrics:
"I'm waiting. I'm waiting on you Lord, and I am hopeful. I'm waiting on you Lord though it is painful, but patiently I will wait. I will move ahead bold and confident taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting, I will serve you. While I'm waiting, I will worship. While I'm waiting, I will not faint. I'll be running the race even while I wait."
Yep, I'm going to wait this one out. Care to join me?
UPDATE to This Post (Spring 2010)
Call me an eternal optimist, but I actually tried to open a new eHarmony account. Perhaps this time the outcome would be different. Round 2 resulted in 288 matches, 0 communicating (total tally from the 2 rounds: 717 matches, 0 relationships developed). God you DO have a sense of humor! Thank you for protecting me from my own impatience! The second account is now also closed.
Let me explain:
• 429 is the number of matches that I’ve had on eHarmony since November 6, 2008.
• Out of all of those matches 238 are still open; 191 are closed. (I checked out of curiosity.)
• Of those 429, not one of them has ever developed into anything. Not one.
Keep in mind that I’ve posted photos, I’ve polished my profile (and revised it several times), and I’ve tried a mix of icebreakers, wait and see, guided communication questions, and request fast-track options (all familiar communication choices to any of you who’ve been on eHarmony). Nada.
I’ve come to expect that when I see a profile of anyone who interests me in the least, they immediately close the match. The rest of the matches just sit there and languish in the “new” category.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think this is an issue with eHarmony. I think it’s an answer to prayer.
Be Specific with Your Prayer Requests
When I became single again six years ago, my top prayer request was: “Lord, I never want to experience that kind of devastation again. I want you to bring the godly husband you intend me to have, and until that time, I don’t even want to date.”
Trust me: There have been many times when I’ve questioned how it’s possible that no one has asked me for a date in six years. When I’m tempted to get discouraged, God asks me, “So do you want to date, or don’t you?” Of course, he already knows the answer to that question.
I don’t want “a man”; I want “the man” that God intends for me and me for him. And so I wait. Lately, my prayer has become: “Lord, if you don’t intend for me to have a husband again, please remove the desire from me.” He hasn’t, and so I’m left to trust that it’s a matter of timing.
Waiting...Still Waiting...And Waiting...
Have you found yourself playing the waiting game? If you have, be encouraged. God can be trusted during the wait:
“I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” Psalm 27:13–14
“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in (wait upon) the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28–31
My Plan or His?
Who knows how many eHarmony matches I will eventually have or whether any of them will ever be the door through which God brings “the one.” We’ll see when it’s all said and done. I truly believe that I could cancel the prayer request and go about the world's way of dating everyone I can get to look my way. But that's truly not what I want, so I’m going to continue to choose God’s plan for my life.
“ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back from captivity.’ ” Jeremiah 29:11–14
Right now his plan calls for waiting. So I wait. John Waller has written a song about this: "While I'm Waiting." I highly recommend it to anyone who's waiting. Here's a sample of the lyrics:
"I'm waiting. I'm waiting on you Lord, and I am hopeful. I'm waiting on you Lord though it is painful, but patiently I will wait. I will move ahead bold and confident taking every step in obedience. While I'm waiting, I will serve you. While I'm waiting, I will worship. While I'm waiting, I will not faint. I'll be running the race even while I wait."
Yep, I'm going to wait this one out. Care to join me?
UPDATE to This Post (Spring 2010)
Call me an eternal optimist, but I actually tried to open a new eHarmony account. Perhaps this time the outcome would be different. Round 2 resulted in 288 matches, 0 communicating (total tally from the 2 rounds: 717 matches, 0 relationships developed). God you DO have a sense of humor! Thank you for protecting me from my own impatience! The second account is now also closed.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Dressed for Battle
God's timing never ceases to amaze me. Seriously! I've been meaning to write this post ever since I entered this latest skirmish, but I've been too busy fighting the battle to write about it. Thankfully, though it's still going on, it's now calmed enough for me to put some of this into words.
So this morning, as I got up to write, I read my Jesus Calling devotional for today. I highly recommend this quick morning read (will take you only 5 to 15 minutes depending on the time you have to spend with the reference scriptures) to anyone needing to "enjoy peace in His presence." Today's lesson: participating in battles in the spiritual realm. Thank you for the confirmation, God.
What Spiritual Battle?
Most of you reading this right now probably know all too well that you’re in a fight of some kind, but keep in mind, you’re battling more than a person, an economy, or an illness, you’re fighting a spiritual battle. Huh?
Here’s how the Apostle Paul described it: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph 6:12, NIV).
Whether you know it or not, if you’re a Christian, at the root of any struggle you’re facing is a spiritual battle. You have two options: Accept this and gear up for the fight. Deny it, and go into the battle naked. I don’t know about you, but if I’ve got to fight anyway, I want the best weapons for the job!
How Do I Fight An Enemy that I Can’t See?
Well if we take a closer look at Ephesians 6, we see that we’re not supposed to try to be strong in ourselves but in the Lord and His power. We’ve got to put on His armor to be able to stand against our enemy’s schemes.
So here’s a little prayer that I pray over myself—out loud—each day as I’m heading back into the world. I’m writing this out for a friend of mine who's in her own battle who said just the other day, "I need to write down that prayer that you prayed over me and start using it each day." Well, here it is...
“Lord, I take on the full armor of God today. I take on the helmet of salvation to take every thought captive to the mind of Christ. I take on the breastplate of righteousness that is the righteousness of Christ Jesus. I take on the belt of truth that I will not deceive others or be deceived. I shod my feet with the gospel of peace that I will walk in peace and take peace with me wherever I go. I take up the shield of faith to quench all the fiery darts of the enemy. I take up the sword of the spirit—the word of God—as my offensive weapon.”
As I say this prayer, I visualize putting on all of these pieces of armor. The prayer never fails to give me a boost for the day, and if I believe God’s word, then I know it’s the equipment I need to stand firm in the battle. The last reminder Paul gives us about the fight is to remember to be alert and pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of requests, not just for ourselves but also for all Christians.
As you head out today, stop and take a minute to dress yourself spiritually. And one last reminder before you go: Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world! (I John 4:4) You’re battling a defeated foe. With God’s help, you can face down anything coming your way today with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. Go get’m!
So this morning, as I got up to write, I read my Jesus Calling devotional for today. I highly recommend this quick morning read (will take you only 5 to 15 minutes depending on the time you have to spend with the reference scriptures) to anyone needing to "enjoy peace in His presence." Today's lesson: participating in battles in the spiritual realm. Thank you for the confirmation, God.
What Spiritual Battle?
Most of you reading this right now probably know all too well that you’re in a fight of some kind, but keep in mind, you’re battling more than a person, an economy, or an illness, you’re fighting a spiritual battle. Huh?
Here’s how the Apostle Paul described it: “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph 6:12, NIV).
Whether you know it or not, if you’re a Christian, at the root of any struggle you’re facing is a spiritual battle. You have two options: Accept this and gear up for the fight. Deny it, and go into the battle naked. I don’t know about you, but if I’ve got to fight anyway, I want the best weapons for the job!
How Do I Fight An Enemy that I Can’t See?
Well if we take a closer look at Ephesians 6, we see that we’re not supposed to try to be strong in ourselves but in the Lord and His power. We’ve got to put on His armor to be able to stand against our enemy’s schemes.
So here’s a little prayer that I pray over myself—out loud—each day as I’m heading back into the world. I’m writing this out for a friend of mine who's in her own battle who said just the other day, "I need to write down that prayer that you prayed over me and start using it each day." Well, here it is...
“Lord, I take on the full armor of God today. I take on the helmet of salvation to take every thought captive to the mind of Christ. I take on the breastplate of righteousness that is the righteousness of Christ Jesus. I take on the belt of truth that I will not deceive others or be deceived. I shod my feet with the gospel of peace that I will walk in peace and take peace with me wherever I go. I take up the shield of faith to quench all the fiery darts of the enemy. I take up the sword of the spirit—the word of God—as my offensive weapon.”
As I say this prayer, I visualize putting on all of these pieces of armor. The prayer never fails to give me a boost for the day, and if I believe God’s word, then I know it’s the equipment I need to stand firm in the battle. The last reminder Paul gives us about the fight is to remember to be alert and pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of requests, not just for ourselves but also for all Christians.
As you head out today, stop and take a minute to dress yourself spiritually. And one last reminder before you go: Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world! (I John 4:4) You’re battling a defeated foe. With God’s help, you can face down anything coming your way today with a smile on your face and a song in your heart. Go get’m!
Saturday, August 8, 2009
What Happened to My Miracle?
Over the past few weeks, I’ve shared with you about miracles that I’ve personally witnessed in my life: the instantaneous healing of my own torn ligament and the life-saving intervention my Aunt Linda received from a brain aneurism. Until my dying day, I will continue to let people know that God heals and heals miraculously. Sometimes he does it instantly with no medical intervention. Sometimes he uses physicians and advanced medical breakthroughs, equipment, and pharmaceuticals to bring the healing.
Before I write about the times when miracles don’t seem to happen, I want to recommend John Hagee’s book and CD package, The Power to Heal, as a wonderful tool to put in your healing arsenal. (If you follow the link to his site, choose "bookstore" and "CD" to find the package.) I have nothing to do with writing or promoting the book or CDs, but I’ve bought several sets for myself and for numerous friends and family members battling life-threatening illnesses. For $20, you’ll get a book that teaches the scriptural basis for physical healing, deals with impediments to healing, and acknowledges God’s will as sovereign. The package comes with two CDs: “Lizzy’s Miracle,” the true story of a daughter’s healing from terminal brain cancer, and “Healing Scriptures,” around 45 minutes of Pastor Hagee praying all of the healing scriptures in a way that will encourage and inspire anyone listening.
Not Everyone Gets The Miracle They’re Praying For
So why do some people receive physical healing and others do not? If God loves all his children (and he does) and his plans are to prosper us and not to harm us (which they are), then how do we accept the fact that not everyone we love receives the physical healing that we’ve prayed so diligently for and that they were desperate to receive? (By the way, I’ve personally lost several important people in my life that had been the recipients of many healing prayers, so I completely understand the frustration and sense of betrayal we can experience when that happens.)
Let me start by saying: I’m not God and neither are you. There are some things we are not going to understand on this side of heaven. God tells us, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” Isaiah 55:9 (NIV). Think of it this way: None of us expect that our pets should be able to calculate 1+1=2. Our thoughts are higher than their thoughts. We also can’t expect ourselves to comprehend all that the supreme creator, eternal God of the universe knows or the ways that he accomplishes his purposes in our lives. Put simply, he’s smarter than we are and knows more than we do.
One more caveat before I give some reasons to consider for why the miracle you were praying for didn’t happen: All of us are unique. God’s plans for us are unique. The possibilities I’m about to list don’t necessarily apply to your or your loved one’s circumstances. Unless God impresses one of these on you as being applicable to your situation, then just use these ideas as a starting point for your own discussion about this with God.
All right, with those principles in mind, here are three possibilities to consider:
The Power of Our Own Belief
When pharmaceutical companies are testing a new medication, they have to conduct studies comparing the results of their drug with those of a placebo. (A “placebo” is basically a fake version of the real medication; you can’t tell the difference between the two by looking at them, but the placebo does not have any of the real medicine in it.)
Researchers have to do these studies so that they can determine what real impact their drugs had. Why? Because some people will believe so strongly in the ability of that medicine to deliver the results it’s intended to produce, that they will experience those results even though they never got any of the medicine (the placebo effect) but just thought they did.
Similarly, numerous medical studies have shown that a person’s attitude about an illness and their outlook on their prognosis have a measurable impact on how quickly and to what extent they heal.
The power of what we believe has the ability to affect our physical and emotional wellbeing. People’s attitudes about an illness and their outlook on their prognosis have a measurable impact on how quickly and the extent to which they heal.
The power of what we believe has the ability to affect our physical and emotional wellbeing. We may be praying for a miracle, we may be desperate for a miracle, but if we believe we are not going to recover, that hurts our ability to recover.
If we take that a step further, and begin to say those things about ourselves (e.g., telling a friend that we don’t think we will every be healed), then we give even more power to that belief. (According to Proverbs 18:21, our tongues have the power of life and death!) Those beliefs and those things we say can then begin to influence our will. Rather than be disappointed in case the healing doesn’t come, we accept the fact that it won’t. Remember: God created us with a free will! He will not counter that will.
In the “Lizzy’s Miracle” CD mentioned above, Lizzy’s parents talk about their determination to continually speak healing scriptures over their daughter, to surround her with those scriptures written onto posters, and to forbid anyone around her from saying she was going to die. Don’t misunderstand me: No one is saying you should live in denial about a prognosis that has been given. The point here is that you must know that God’s power is stronger than any diagnosis you could receive.
God’s Timing
In a nutshell, God’s timing is often not the same as ours. We want things fixed immediately; He’s working something out in the process. Time is a big thing for God. Even though He lives outside of time (he’s eternal), he created it and made a point of setting feasts to be celebrated at certain times, planning the time his son would be born of a virgin mother, and having a set time for his son’s triumphant return to earth that only the Father knows.
Keep in mind:
A Matter of Perspective
We don’t think like God, and we can’t. God spends around nine months preparing us in the womb for our lives on this planet. Then he spends our lives on this planet preparing us for eternity. While we are here on Earth, his mission is to craft us into Christ’s likeness (Romans 8:29; 2 Corinthians 3:18), and he uses all of the circumstances that we encounter here to accomplish that goal so that we're ready for eternity with him. Our time in the womb, on earth, and in heaven are not three separate lives; they are three development phases of the same life.
We’ve only experienced life on this planet, so when we think about life, we think about it here on this earth. The reality is that earthly lives pass in the blink of an eye—they are “but a breath” (Psalm 39:5). We are eternal creatures created in the image of an eternal God. When God looks at our lives, he sees them from the standpoint of eternity.
Delivered by Fire
One of my favorite Bible teachers is Beth Moore. In session 3 of her series Daniel: Lives of Integrity, Words of Prophecy, she covers the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego’s deliverance from the fiery furnace (Daniel 3). Beth asks her students to consider three scenarios when we as Christians face fiery trials in our lives (e.g., needing a healing miracle). All three options are forms of deliverance, and all three bring glory to God and result in benefits to us.
Get Real with Your Feelings
One final thing: It’s okay to feel all of the emotions (e.g., anger, grief, confusion, impatience, etc.), that go along with facing healing challenges, especially those that result in the physical death of someone you love. Go to God and tell him how you feel. Ask for his grace and insight to look at the situation as he does. Ask for reassurance about his love. Seek support from Christian counseling professionals and other Christian support groups who understand the eternal perspective of life.
If you think that you just can’t possibly tell God exactly how you think and feel, look back over King David’s psalms or Moses’ angst over being called to lead Israel. They didn’t hold back any of those feelings from God, and God spoke face to face with Moses as a man does his friend (Exo. 33:11), and he called David a man after his own heart (1 Sam. 13:14)! God already knows all, so he knows how you’re really feeling. He’s waiting to be invited into the situation by you.
“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things…I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:4–8; 12–13 (NIV).
Before I write about the times when miracles don’t seem to happen, I want to recommend John Hagee’s book and CD package, The Power to Heal, as a wonderful tool to put in your healing arsenal. (If you follow the link to his site, choose "bookstore" and "CD" to find the package.) I have nothing to do with writing or promoting the book or CDs, but I’ve bought several sets for myself and for numerous friends and family members battling life-threatening illnesses. For $20, you’ll get a book that teaches the scriptural basis for physical healing, deals with impediments to healing, and acknowledges God’s will as sovereign. The package comes with two CDs: “Lizzy’s Miracle,” the true story of a daughter’s healing from terminal brain cancer, and “Healing Scriptures,” around 45 minutes of Pastor Hagee praying all of the healing scriptures in a way that will encourage and inspire anyone listening.
Not Everyone Gets The Miracle They’re Praying For
So why do some people receive physical healing and others do not? If God loves all his children (and he does) and his plans are to prosper us and not to harm us (which they are), then how do we accept the fact that not everyone we love receives the physical healing that we’ve prayed so diligently for and that they were desperate to receive? (By the way, I’ve personally lost several important people in my life that had been the recipients of many healing prayers, so I completely understand the frustration and sense of betrayal we can experience when that happens.)
Let me start by saying: I’m not God and neither are you. There are some things we are not going to understand on this side of heaven. God tells us, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” Isaiah 55:9 (NIV). Think of it this way: None of us expect that our pets should be able to calculate 1+1=2. Our thoughts are higher than their thoughts. We also can’t expect ourselves to comprehend all that the supreme creator, eternal God of the universe knows or the ways that he accomplishes his purposes in our lives. Put simply, he’s smarter than we are and knows more than we do.
One more caveat before I give some reasons to consider for why the miracle you were praying for didn’t happen: All of us are unique. God’s plans for us are unique. The possibilities I’m about to list don’t necessarily apply to your or your loved one’s circumstances. Unless God impresses one of these on you as being applicable to your situation, then just use these ideas as a starting point for your own discussion about this with God.
All right, with those principles in mind, here are three possibilities to consider:
- The power of our own belief
- God’s timing
- Earthly vs. heavenly perspective
The Power of Our Own Belief
When pharmaceutical companies are testing a new medication, they have to conduct studies comparing the results of their drug with those of a placebo. (A “placebo” is basically a fake version of the real medication; you can’t tell the difference between the two by looking at them, but the placebo does not have any of the real medicine in it.)
Researchers have to do these studies so that they can determine what real impact their drugs had. Why? Because some people will believe so strongly in the ability of that medicine to deliver the results it’s intended to produce, that they will experience those results even though they never got any of the medicine (the placebo effect) but just thought they did.
Similarly, numerous medical studies have shown that a person’s attitude about an illness and their outlook on their prognosis have a measurable impact on how quickly and to what extent they heal.
The power of what we believe has the ability to affect our physical and emotional wellbeing. People’s attitudes about an illness and their outlook on their prognosis have a measurable impact on how quickly and the extent to which they heal.
The power of what we believe has the ability to affect our physical and emotional wellbeing. We may be praying for a miracle, we may be desperate for a miracle, but if we believe we are not going to recover, that hurts our ability to recover.
If we take that a step further, and begin to say those things about ourselves (e.g., telling a friend that we don’t think we will every be healed), then we give even more power to that belief. (According to Proverbs 18:21, our tongues have the power of life and death!) Those beliefs and those things we say can then begin to influence our will. Rather than be disappointed in case the healing doesn’t come, we accept the fact that it won’t. Remember: God created us with a free will! He will not counter that will.
In the “Lizzy’s Miracle” CD mentioned above, Lizzy’s parents talk about their determination to continually speak healing scriptures over their daughter, to surround her with those scriptures written onto posters, and to forbid anyone around her from saying she was going to die. Don’t misunderstand me: No one is saying you should live in denial about a prognosis that has been given. The point here is that you must know that God’s power is stronger than any diagnosis you could receive.
God’s Timing
In a nutshell, God’s timing is often not the same as ours. We want things fixed immediately; He’s working something out in the process. Time is a big thing for God. Even though He lives outside of time (he’s eternal), he created it and made a point of setting feasts to be celebrated at certain times, planning the time his son would be born of a virgin mother, and having a set time for his son’s triumphant return to earth that only the Father knows.
Keep in mind:
- The bible tells us there is a time and a season for everything, and God makes everything beautiful in its time (Ecclesiastes 3:1,11).
- God has an individual plan for each of us. “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed” (Psalm 139:16, NLT). (This does not negate free will; God lives outside of time and knows all—including the choices that we and others will make to affect our lives.)
A Matter of Perspective
We don’t think like God, and we can’t. God spends around nine months preparing us in the womb for our lives on this planet. Then he spends our lives on this planet preparing us for eternity. While we are here on Earth, his mission is to craft us into Christ’s likeness (Romans 8:29; 2 Corinthians 3:18), and he uses all of the circumstances that we encounter here to accomplish that goal so that we're ready for eternity with him. Our time in the womb, on earth, and in heaven are not three separate lives; they are three development phases of the same life.
We’ve only experienced life on this planet, so when we think about life, we think about it here on this earth. The reality is that earthly lives pass in the blink of an eye—they are “but a breath” (Psalm 39:5). We are eternal creatures created in the image of an eternal God. When God looks at our lives, he sees them from the standpoint of eternity.
Delivered by Fire
One of my favorite Bible teachers is Beth Moore. In session 3 of her series Daniel: Lives of Integrity, Words of Prophecy, she covers the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego’s deliverance from the fiery furnace (Daniel 3). Beth asks her students to consider three scenarios when we as Christians face fiery trials in our lives (e.g., needing a healing miracle). All three options are forms of deliverance, and all three bring glory to God and result in benefits to us.
- We can be delivered “from the fire” (e.g., biopsy shows no malignancy). Result: Our faith is built.
- We can be delivered “through the fire” (e.g., lump is malignant, but after a time, we respond favorably to treatment). Result: Our faith is refined.
- We can be delivered “by the fire” into His arms (e.g., cancer doesn’t respond to treatment and ends in physical death). Result: Our faith is perfected.
Get Real with Your Feelings
One final thing: It’s okay to feel all of the emotions (e.g., anger, grief, confusion, impatience, etc.), that go along with facing healing challenges, especially those that result in the physical death of someone you love. Go to God and tell him how you feel. Ask for his grace and insight to look at the situation as he does. Ask for reassurance about his love. Seek support from Christian counseling professionals and other Christian support groups who understand the eternal perspective of life.
If you think that you just can’t possibly tell God exactly how you think and feel, look back over King David’s psalms or Moses’ angst over being called to lead Israel. They didn’t hold back any of those feelings from God, and God spoke face to face with Moses as a man does his friend (Exo. 33:11), and he called David a man after his own heart (1 Sam. 13:14)! God already knows all, so he knows how you’re really feeling. He’s waiting to be invited into the situation by you.
“Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things…I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength” Philippians 4:4–8; 12–13 (NIV).
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Fightin' Words
This week has been a battle. Not one of those that you plan and train for, and feel equipped to fight, but a full-out ambush by an enemy manipulating a friend.
I’ll be honest with you: It took me a few hours to stop reeling from the first verbal punches. Round two came two days later. Round three is scheduled to take place in a meeting that’s been put off for three days in a row now.
When I entered the door of the church this Sunday, I walked with a bit of an emotional limp. Little did I know that God was waiting to supply me with some much-needed ammunition to put the pep back in my step, lift my head, and send me back in feeling more excitement than fear this time.
This particular Sunday, in place of the Apostles’ Creed, we were given a copy of “The Zimbabwe Covenant.” I’ve been carrying it with me ever since. I don’t know who to credit for writing this, so if any of you do, please let me know. But here it is for you other wounded warriors out there who need some refreshment before you head back into battle.
“I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of His. I will not look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I am finished and done with low-living, sight-walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotion, or popularity. I do not have to be right, first, tops, recognized, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayers, and labor by power.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not give up, shut up, or let up. I will go on until He comes, and work until He stops me.
I am a disciple of Jesus.”
Fight on fellow soldiers!
I’ll be honest with you: It took me a few hours to stop reeling from the first verbal punches. Round two came two days later. Round three is scheduled to take place in a meeting that’s been put off for three days in a row now.
When I entered the door of the church this Sunday, I walked with a bit of an emotional limp. Little did I know that God was waiting to supply me with some much-needed ammunition to put the pep back in my step, lift my head, and send me back in feeling more excitement than fear this time.
This particular Sunday, in place of the Apostles’ Creed, we were given a copy of “The Zimbabwe Covenant.” I’ve been carrying it with me ever since. I don’t know who to credit for writing this, so if any of you do, please let me know. But here it is for you other wounded warriors out there who need some refreshment before you head back into battle.
“I am part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit Power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of His. I will not look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I am finished and done with low-living, sight-walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, worldly talking, cheap giving, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotion, or popularity. I do not have to be right, first, tops, recognized, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, am uplifted by prayers, and labor by power.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven. My road is narrow, my way is rough, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not give up, shut up, or let up. I will go on until He comes, and work until He stops me.
I am a disciple of Jesus.”
Fight on fellow soldiers!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Do Miracles Still Happen?
Absolutely! Earlier this month I wrote about five years ago when the Lord instantaneously healed the torn ligament in my ankle—one week before I was due to schedule surgery with my orthopedist. Tonight I want to tell you my Aunt Linda’s story.
Brain Aneurism
Aunt Linda is a Mary Kay sales director with team members throughout Florida and Georgia. A few years ago, she headed over to Panama City to help one of her friends and team members with some training sessions. Linda stopped to have lunch, and as she was sitting there, she began to feel strange. In her words, she felt like she needed to get up and run out of the restaurant, but before she could make it to the door, her legs collapsed and she fell to the ground.
Linda knew that something was terribly wrong, and she immediately started speaking over herself: “I plead the covering of the blood of Jesus from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.” Paramedics were eating lunch at the same restaurant, and they immediately drove her to the hospital for observation.
As I was coming in from work that evening I had a call from Aunt Dinah, Linda’s sister. Linda had been diagnosed with a brain aneurism, and the prognosis was scary. They wanted to clip the bleed to prevent any further damage, and they were waiting to do surgery at her request until her sisters and husband could get to the hospital to see her.
We arrived sometime in the wee hours of the morning. The surgeon showed us all the MRI that clearly revealed the aneurism. We were told she was not stable to move; she would have to have the surgery in Panama City. There was a significant chance that the blood vessel would still rupture, and if it did, the prognosis was death or severe permanent disability.
Before going into surgery, Linda asked that we all hold hands around her bedside and pray with her. We also prayed for and over her doctors and anointed her with oil. Because the surgery was scheduled to last for such a long time and we’d traveled through much of the night to get there, we all left to try to get some sleep at a nearby hotel.
Rupture
Several hours later the hospital called. Things had gone from bad to worse. During the operation, Aunt Linda’s aneurism had ruptured, and she had blood on a large area of her brain. The doctor was unsure whether she’d ever regain consciousness, and if she did, what the permanent damage would be.
In the midst of this, I continued to feel the total calm of God’s presence. I knew without a doubt that he was with her and working on her behalf. We were told it would probably be the next day before she woke up, if she ever did. Imagine the hospital staff’s surprise when a short time later, she began to stir. Our family gathered around her bedside again to hold her hand, talk to her and encourage her.
We were so thrilled that she was actually awake, that we began teasing her husband that we were going to take him out to get a steak to celebrate. As we stood debating about how best to get to the restaurant, Aunt Linda motioned for a pen and paper. (She was still intubated and couldn’t speak.) She wrote, “Left at the Starbucks.” Not only was Linda following the conversation, she was able to give us directions!
Miracle Lady
Aunt Linda was released to return to our home city a week later. As she left the hospital, everyone there referred to her as the “Miracle Lady.” She left without any permanent damage or loss of function. What a miracle!
In the year that followed her aneurism, she continued to take anti-seizure medication, prescribed as a standard precaution following this type of brain surgery. Her hair grew in to cover the scar where they’d removed her skull to get to the affected area. There were never any further complications from the aneurism.
Today, she continues to be healthy and happy. She continually proclaims the Lord’s favor over her and his healing power.
Words to Live By
Miracles absolutely still happen today! Next time, we’ll talk about the times when it seems that they don’t. Until then, remember:
“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:8
“Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds—his name is the Lord—and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.” Psalm 68:4–6
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2–4
Brain Aneurism
Aunt Linda is a Mary Kay sales director with team members throughout Florida and Georgia. A few years ago, she headed over to Panama City to help one of her friends and team members with some training sessions. Linda stopped to have lunch, and as she was sitting there, she began to feel strange. In her words, she felt like she needed to get up and run out of the restaurant, but before she could make it to the door, her legs collapsed and she fell to the ground.
Linda knew that something was terribly wrong, and she immediately started speaking over herself: “I plead the covering of the blood of Jesus from the top of my head to the soles of my feet.” Paramedics were eating lunch at the same restaurant, and they immediately drove her to the hospital for observation.
As I was coming in from work that evening I had a call from Aunt Dinah, Linda’s sister. Linda had been diagnosed with a brain aneurism, and the prognosis was scary. They wanted to clip the bleed to prevent any further damage, and they were waiting to do surgery at her request until her sisters and husband could get to the hospital to see her.
We arrived sometime in the wee hours of the morning. The surgeon showed us all the MRI that clearly revealed the aneurism. We were told she was not stable to move; she would have to have the surgery in Panama City. There was a significant chance that the blood vessel would still rupture, and if it did, the prognosis was death or severe permanent disability.
Before going into surgery, Linda asked that we all hold hands around her bedside and pray with her. We also prayed for and over her doctors and anointed her with oil. Because the surgery was scheduled to last for such a long time and we’d traveled through much of the night to get there, we all left to try to get some sleep at a nearby hotel.
Rupture
Several hours later the hospital called. Things had gone from bad to worse. During the operation, Aunt Linda’s aneurism had ruptured, and she had blood on a large area of her brain. The doctor was unsure whether she’d ever regain consciousness, and if she did, what the permanent damage would be.
In the midst of this, I continued to feel the total calm of God’s presence. I knew without a doubt that he was with her and working on her behalf. We were told it would probably be the next day before she woke up, if she ever did. Imagine the hospital staff’s surprise when a short time later, she began to stir. Our family gathered around her bedside again to hold her hand, talk to her and encourage her.
We were so thrilled that she was actually awake, that we began teasing her husband that we were going to take him out to get a steak to celebrate. As we stood debating about how best to get to the restaurant, Aunt Linda motioned for a pen and paper. (She was still intubated and couldn’t speak.) She wrote, “Left at the Starbucks.” Not only was Linda following the conversation, she was able to give us directions!
Miracle Lady
Aunt Linda was released to return to our home city a week later. As she left the hospital, everyone there referred to her as the “Miracle Lady.” She left without any permanent damage or loss of function. What a miracle!
In the year that followed her aneurism, she continued to take anti-seizure medication, prescribed as a standard precaution following this type of brain surgery. Her hair grew in to cover the scar where they’d removed her skull to get to the affected area. There were never any further complications from the aneurism.
Today, she continues to be healthy and happy. She continually proclaims the Lord’s favor over her and his healing power.
Words to Live By
Miracles absolutely still happen today! Next time, we’ll talk about the times when it seems that they don’t. Until then, remember:
“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” Psalm 62:8
“Sing to God, sing praise to his name, extol him who rides on the clouds—his name is the Lord—and rejoice before him. A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.” Psalm 68:4–6
“Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” James 1:2–4
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Need a Miracle?
Ever feel forgotten? Or like there’s no good end in sight? Maybe you look at others around you and see them getting the things that they’ve prayed for while you continue to wait. Maybe it’s just that you seem to be struggling worse than everyone else around you, and you wonder when it’s going to be “your turn.” At times like that, you’ve got to practice focusing on the positive and remembering the things that God has done for you.
We’ve talked a bit about focusing on the positive. If you’ve missed those posts, the idea is that you have to be intentional about the things that you let yourself dwell on. By continually bringing your mind back to anything good that is going on in your life—even if it’s as basic as the fact that you were able to get out of bed of your own will this morning—you will slowly begin to overcome the obsession on the things that aren’t going as well in your life.
Another aspect of this is purposeful remembering. Put simply, when you’re in a bind, remember the things that God has already brought you through and accomplished in your life. When you’re tempted to believe that God has forgotten you, focus on these memories and know that he’s still there with you; his promise is never to fail you or abandon you (Deut. 31:6).
Sometimes it’s easier to believe God to come through for the little things, but quite another thing to trust him for something big. I can relate! Often I have to remind myself of some of the incredible things he’s done in my life. One of the biggest of these is the time that he miraculously healed my ankle. Here’s the story:
Oh, No, Not Again!
Nearly six years ago, I was in the midst of the divorce process and at the lowest point of my life. My son and I were living in an apartment complex while waiting for the construction to be completed on the condo we’d be moving into.
As part of my stress management, I was out for a walk around the apartment complex when suddenly, my ankle gave way with an audible “pop,” and I tumbled into the grass next to the road. Waves of pain washed over me, and I found myself unable to even get back to my feet. Thankfully, a neighbor saw me, stopped his car, helped me to my feet, and drove me back to my apartment.
I managed to hop through the door, grab some ice, and collapse on the sofa, crying all the while. Elevating the foot did nothing to help. My right ankle had been injured multiple times since childhood, and it was prone to weakness. This was not the first time it had collapsed under me, but it was definitely the worst. X-rays confirmed that nothing was broken, so I got into a pattern of icing, elevating, and leaving it in a brace for support.
Six weeks later an RN friend came to visit. She took one look at my purple, swollen ankle and declared that something was not right. She cajoled me into calling an orthopedist.
A couple weeks and an MRI later, my worst fears were confirmed: The ligament that wraps around the outside of the ankle to keep it from flopping to the side was torn almost 50% through. I had two options: Continue to use a walking cast any time I was on uneven ground (possibly for the rest of my life) and possibly have to have surgery later, or go ahead and have the surgery now. If I chose the surgery, I was told that I would be flat on my back and completely out of work for two weeks. The next four weeks would involve crutches. I would not be able to drive any of those six weeks. Following that, I would be in physical therapy for six months.
By this time, our condominium was completed and we’d moved in. We live on the second story, so our lives now involved daily stairs. Additionally, as a single parent with a 5-year-old, there was no one else to drive us around. There were the financial considerations of missing work and the physical issues of taking care of my son and the mission trip to Russia that I was scheduled to take in four months.
On the heels of this news came the final blow. My son Austin was running around the living room, tripped, and gashed his head on the coffee table. It was the last straw. On the way to pick up medical supplies I needed for him, I had a complete fit with the Lord. There’s no pretty way to say it. I had a full-out temper tantrum. I was so angry. How could he let this happen? He knew I was a single parent. He knew all of the challenges I was already up against! He knew that I had to be able to drive and care for Austin. Was he trying to take me to the breaking point? On and on I went, until I finally ran out of energy. Once I did, I apologized to God for all of my ranting and asked for his forgiveness. As bad as I felt for the outbreak, I felt relief to finally acknowledge those feelings and let him deal with them.
A Miracle Happens
Early one morning, probably a week after the meltdown, I was up working on a Bible study. As I sat there, I recounted in my mind all of the scriptural examples I could recall of times when God either miraculously healed someone or even raised them from the dead.
A bleary-eyed Austin shuffled in because he’d woken up afraid, and I went to lay down with him in his bunk bed. As I laid there, I continued to pray and remind myself and God of all of those miracles. “If it’s your will to heal me, I know that you can,” I prayed, “but if it’s your will for me to have the surgery then I accept it.” In that instant I heard in my spirit, “Take up your mat and walk.” Immediately, the pain disappeared. The difference was so radical that for a moment, I thought I had fallen asleep and was dreaming.
Wide awake, I gingerly made circles in the air with my foot. No pain. I got up and stood on the ankle. Still no pain and no weakness. When I walked out to the kitchen so I could look at it in the light, the bruising and swelling were gone. It was healed, and I was dumbfounded!
A week later, I made the return visit to the orthopedist to satisfy a skeptical friend who wasn’t sure whether to believe what had happened. As soon as his nurse saw me without the walking cast, in sandals, and without bruising or a limp, her eyes widened and she said, “Let me get the doctor.” The doctor confirmed what I already knew: There was absolutely nothing wrong with the ankle. He released me with a shake of his head and a grin.
To this day, my right ankle continues to be strong. I’ve had no additional issues. And as an added bonus, the severe seasonal allergies that had plagued me since childhood vanished with the ankle injury. Imagine!
What This Means to Me Now
We are all tempted at times to get discouraged and believe that our lives are always going to be difficult, something we’re waiting for is never going to happen, and even if God had the power to fix something in our lives, he wouldn’t bother with someone as insignificant as we.
During those times, I think back on this miracle. I remind myself that God is willing and able to do what’s best for me in his way and in his timing. In this particular instance, I think I had to be willing to get to the place where I was absolutely okay with whatever happened to my ankle and to trust that he had my best in mind no matter the outcome.
His Ways Are Higher than Ours
In the next couple of posts I’m going to share a bit more about healing miracles and times when those miracles don’t take place. One is the miraculous story of my aunt’s healing from a brain aneurism. The other is the tragic loss of three people who were dear to me due to cancer. God loved them all—still does. They are all Christians, and yes, those who’ve died and are his continue to live on in eternity. As a minister at one of those friend’s funerals said today, “Death, when you’re a Christian, is the ultimate healing.”
We’re not always going to understand the reasons that some things happen on this earth. During those times, we need to remember two things:
1. God’s ways are higher than our ways, and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)
2. “One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving.” Psalm 62:11-12a
God has the power to act in your life. Trust him to do it in the way, and in the timing that’s best for you. But know that miracles still happen. I can vouch for that!
We’ve talked a bit about focusing on the positive. If you’ve missed those posts, the idea is that you have to be intentional about the things that you let yourself dwell on. By continually bringing your mind back to anything good that is going on in your life—even if it’s as basic as the fact that you were able to get out of bed of your own will this morning—you will slowly begin to overcome the obsession on the things that aren’t going as well in your life.
Another aspect of this is purposeful remembering. Put simply, when you’re in a bind, remember the things that God has already brought you through and accomplished in your life. When you’re tempted to believe that God has forgotten you, focus on these memories and know that he’s still there with you; his promise is never to fail you or abandon you (Deut. 31:6).
Sometimes it’s easier to believe God to come through for the little things, but quite another thing to trust him for something big. I can relate! Often I have to remind myself of some of the incredible things he’s done in my life. One of the biggest of these is the time that he miraculously healed my ankle. Here’s the story:
Oh, No, Not Again!
Nearly six years ago, I was in the midst of the divorce process and at the lowest point of my life. My son and I were living in an apartment complex while waiting for the construction to be completed on the condo we’d be moving into.
As part of my stress management, I was out for a walk around the apartment complex when suddenly, my ankle gave way with an audible “pop,” and I tumbled into the grass next to the road. Waves of pain washed over me, and I found myself unable to even get back to my feet. Thankfully, a neighbor saw me, stopped his car, helped me to my feet, and drove me back to my apartment.
I managed to hop through the door, grab some ice, and collapse on the sofa, crying all the while. Elevating the foot did nothing to help. My right ankle had been injured multiple times since childhood, and it was prone to weakness. This was not the first time it had collapsed under me, but it was definitely the worst. X-rays confirmed that nothing was broken, so I got into a pattern of icing, elevating, and leaving it in a brace for support.
Six weeks later an RN friend came to visit. She took one look at my purple, swollen ankle and declared that something was not right. She cajoled me into calling an orthopedist.
A couple weeks and an MRI later, my worst fears were confirmed: The ligament that wraps around the outside of the ankle to keep it from flopping to the side was torn almost 50% through. I had two options: Continue to use a walking cast any time I was on uneven ground (possibly for the rest of my life) and possibly have to have surgery later, or go ahead and have the surgery now. If I chose the surgery, I was told that I would be flat on my back and completely out of work for two weeks. The next four weeks would involve crutches. I would not be able to drive any of those six weeks. Following that, I would be in physical therapy for six months.
By this time, our condominium was completed and we’d moved in. We live on the second story, so our lives now involved daily stairs. Additionally, as a single parent with a 5-year-old, there was no one else to drive us around. There were the financial considerations of missing work and the physical issues of taking care of my son and the mission trip to Russia that I was scheduled to take in four months.
On the heels of this news came the final blow. My son Austin was running around the living room, tripped, and gashed his head on the coffee table. It was the last straw. On the way to pick up medical supplies I needed for him, I had a complete fit with the Lord. There’s no pretty way to say it. I had a full-out temper tantrum. I was so angry. How could he let this happen? He knew I was a single parent. He knew all of the challenges I was already up against! He knew that I had to be able to drive and care for Austin. Was he trying to take me to the breaking point? On and on I went, until I finally ran out of energy. Once I did, I apologized to God for all of my ranting and asked for his forgiveness. As bad as I felt for the outbreak, I felt relief to finally acknowledge those feelings and let him deal with them.
A Miracle Happens
Early one morning, probably a week after the meltdown, I was up working on a Bible study. As I sat there, I recounted in my mind all of the scriptural examples I could recall of times when God either miraculously healed someone or even raised them from the dead.
A bleary-eyed Austin shuffled in because he’d woken up afraid, and I went to lay down with him in his bunk bed. As I laid there, I continued to pray and remind myself and God of all of those miracles. “If it’s your will to heal me, I know that you can,” I prayed, “but if it’s your will for me to have the surgery then I accept it.” In that instant I heard in my spirit, “Take up your mat and walk.” Immediately, the pain disappeared. The difference was so radical that for a moment, I thought I had fallen asleep and was dreaming.
Wide awake, I gingerly made circles in the air with my foot. No pain. I got up and stood on the ankle. Still no pain and no weakness. When I walked out to the kitchen so I could look at it in the light, the bruising and swelling were gone. It was healed, and I was dumbfounded!
A week later, I made the return visit to the orthopedist to satisfy a skeptical friend who wasn’t sure whether to believe what had happened. As soon as his nurse saw me without the walking cast, in sandals, and without bruising or a limp, her eyes widened and she said, “Let me get the doctor.” The doctor confirmed what I already knew: There was absolutely nothing wrong with the ankle. He released me with a shake of his head and a grin.
To this day, my right ankle continues to be strong. I’ve had no additional issues. And as an added bonus, the severe seasonal allergies that had plagued me since childhood vanished with the ankle injury. Imagine!
What This Means to Me Now
We are all tempted at times to get discouraged and believe that our lives are always going to be difficult, something we’re waiting for is never going to happen, and even if God had the power to fix something in our lives, he wouldn’t bother with someone as insignificant as we.
During those times, I think back on this miracle. I remind myself that God is willing and able to do what’s best for me in his way and in his timing. In this particular instance, I think I had to be willing to get to the place where I was absolutely okay with whatever happened to my ankle and to trust that he had my best in mind no matter the outcome.
His Ways Are Higher than Ours
In the next couple of posts I’m going to share a bit more about healing miracles and times when those miracles don’t take place. One is the miraculous story of my aunt’s healing from a brain aneurism. The other is the tragic loss of three people who were dear to me due to cancer. God loved them all—still does. They are all Christians, and yes, those who’ve died and are his continue to live on in eternity. As a minister at one of those friend’s funerals said today, “Death, when you’re a Christian, is the ultimate healing.”
We’re not always going to understand the reasons that some things happen on this earth. During those times, we need to remember two things:
1. God’s ways are higher than our ways, and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)
2. “One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving.” Psalm 62:11-12a
God has the power to act in your life. Trust him to do it in the way, and in the timing that’s best for you. But know that miracles still happen. I can vouch for that!
Friday, July 3, 2009
Spare Change
I just returned Monday night from a family vacation to California. While exploring downtown San Francisco, we passed a homeless man with a hand-written sign that read: “Will accept insults for spare change.”
That sign broke my heart, and at the same time, I could relate to what he was saying. How often have I been willing to accept someone’s insults for “spare change”? Oh, not the coin type, but lots of other “spares”: Spare love. Spare time. Spare affection. Spare respect.
I don’t know whether men suffer from the same affliction, but I know we women are so prone to put up with anything just to get the spare bits that some of the people we allow into our lives are willing to offer us.
After reading that sign, I dug around in my camera bag to find some money. I don’t think the man realized that I was behind him. He had been walking toward my family but had turned to pick up a cigarette butt from the sidewalk. As he straightened up, I handed him a $5 bill. His face was wary, but I smiled and said, “Be blessed.” He immediately responded with a smile.
Noticing my Florida sweatshirt, he said, “Are you from Florida?”
“Yes. My son and I live there. We really like it.”
He replied, “I lived in Tampa for a few years. It was nice. I went there with some people I knew from Maine and worked in their restaurant.”
We chatted briefly until my family reached the doors of the hotel we were looking for.
“Well, this is our stop,” I said.
“Nice place.”
I agreed and responded, “Have a good day.”
“You too.”
He continued on his way, and I said a silent prayer for him as he went. I don’t know what it was that brought him to that place of “Will accept insults for spare change.” But I do know the only One who can change that for him or for any of us.
As I close my eyes even now, I can still picture that sign. And you know, we often approach God in the same way…as beggars for spare change, not as those who are adopted sons and daughters God (Ephesians 1:5).
How often do we find ourselves in need and turn to every other diversion and source before we go to God for help. Then if and when we do approach him, it’s with the belief that he’s more likely to punish us or to judge us than to take care of the need. I know…I’ve been there. But nothing could be further from the truth.
What do you need?
Peace: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (Spoken by Jesus) John 14:27, NIV
Wisdom: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5, NIV
Mercy: “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16, NIV
Love: “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17, NIV
Hope: “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11, NIV
Joy: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13, NIV
Whatever it is that you need, I guarantee you that God has it for you. It will be in his timing and in his way. But his way is always in your best interest. How do I know this? Not only have I personally experienced it on countless occasions, Jesus also promises that this is true:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Spoken by Jesus) Matthew 7:7–11, NIV, emphasis added
You don’t have to spend your life as a beggar. Nor do you need to be willing to accept insults (in any form) in exchange for someone else’s spares. Instead, approach your Father in heaven who loves you and wants to bless you. Know that he is just waiting to lavish his love on you.
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (I John 3:1, NIV)
That sign broke my heart, and at the same time, I could relate to what he was saying. How often have I been willing to accept someone’s insults for “spare change”? Oh, not the coin type, but lots of other “spares”: Spare love. Spare time. Spare affection. Spare respect.
I don’t know whether men suffer from the same affliction, but I know we women are so prone to put up with anything just to get the spare bits that some of the people we allow into our lives are willing to offer us.
After reading that sign, I dug around in my camera bag to find some money. I don’t think the man realized that I was behind him. He had been walking toward my family but had turned to pick up a cigarette butt from the sidewalk. As he straightened up, I handed him a $5 bill. His face was wary, but I smiled and said, “Be blessed.” He immediately responded with a smile.
Noticing my Florida sweatshirt, he said, “Are you from Florida?”
“Yes. My son and I live there. We really like it.”
He replied, “I lived in Tampa for a few years. It was nice. I went there with some people I knew from Maine and worked in their restaurant.”
We chatted briefly until my family reached the doors of the hotel we were looking for.
“Well, this is our stop,” I said.
“Nice place.”
I agreed and responded, “Have a good day.”
“You too.”
He continued on his way, and I said a silent prayer for him as he went. I don’t know what it was that brought him to that place of “Will accept insults for spare change.” But I do know the only One who can change that for him or for any of us.
As I close my eyes even now, I can still picture that sign. And you know, we often approach God in the same way…as beggars for spare change, not as those who are adopted sons and daughters God (Ephesians 1:5).
How often do we find ourselves in need and turn to every other diversion and source before we go to God for help. Then if and when we do approach him, it’s with the belief that he’s more likely to punish us or to judge us than to take care of the need. I know…I’ve been there. But nothing could be further from the truth.
What do you need?
Peace: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (Spoken by Jesus) John 14:27, NIV
Wisdom: “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5, NIV
Mercy: “Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:16, NIV
Love: “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17, NIV
Hope: “ ‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Jeremiah 29:11, NIV
Joy: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13, NIV
Whatever it is that you need, I guarantee you that God has it for you. It will be in his timing and in his way. But his way is always in your best interest. How do I know this? Not only have I personally experienced it on countless occasions, Jesus also promises that this is true:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Spoken by Jesus) Matthew 7:7–11, NIV, emphasis added
You don’t have to spend your life as a beggar. Nor do you need to be willing to accept insults (in any form) in exchange for someone else’s spares. Instead, approach your Father in heaven who loves you and wants to bless you. Know that he is just waiting to lavish his love on you.
“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!” (I John 3:1, NIV)
Monday, June 8, 2009
Positive Is a Choice
It’s been a really long time since I’ve had a Monday like this. It actually started quite well. You see, today would have been my 18th wedding anniversary if my marriage had not derailed six years ago. When I woke up this morning and realized the date, I was actually pleasantly surprised that I didn’t feel sad, disappointed, angry, or any of the other negatives that I’ve struggled with on the previous former anniversaries.
Nope, this year, as I considered the date, I actually felt excited about my life. I took a moment to thank God for all that he has brought me through in this time and to tell him how thrilled I am about wherever he is taking me. (Just being able to enjoy the unknown that used to tie me in such knots is a real victory!)
I had no way of knowing then what a challenge the day would become. Within five minutes of walking in the door at work, I was faced with a friend who said she didn’t want to live anymore. We’d been down this path about six months ago, but with counseling and medication, she was greatly improved. This latest bout of depression caught me by surprise and scared me for her again. The next six hours were spent getting her emergency counseling attention, getting her antidepressant medication, and working on reports at her bedside while she took a nap to try to make up for some of the sleep she’s been lacking.
I made it back to the office in time to cram in the remaining reports that are due each Monday before running out to pick up Austin from my aunt, who was picking him up from camp at 3:00. As I pulled into her driveway at 4:45, it never occurred to me that she had forgotten all about going to get him, even though we discussed it at 11:00 this morning. Or that I wasn’t getting the cell phone messages from the camp or my ex because I forgot I had silenced the ringer so as not to disturb my friend’s rest. (Did I mention this was Austin’s first day at this camp? And that the camp director had to drive him up to meet his dad—the only one who answered the call? And that his dad was oh so happy to get the call in the first place?)
Now tonight, I’m on my third load of laundry, because the wet towels and swimsuit from camp that I intended to wash in the first load never made it in. Or into the second load that I started when I realized that I forgot to throw in the pants that Austin needs for tomorrow!
The point of my telling you this whole story is this: Tonight, I’m choosing to stay positive. I refuse to let any of this get the best of me today and drag me off to the pit that I normally frequent on the 8th of June. I’m choosing to keep my focus on all of the wonderful things that the Lord has done for me.
1. Out of a failed marriage, he brought the biggest blessing of my natural life: my son.
2. He has delivered me from the crippling depression in which my friend finds herself right now, and I know that he can deliver her.
3. As I sat—on the anniversary of my marriage—in the same counseling practice in which I told my husband six years ago that I was filing for divorce—the first time I’d revisited the place since then—I realized the extent to which God had healed all of that devastation.
4. I was able to deal with my aunt and my ex and not lose my patience with either one of them about a situation that would have driven me around the bend not that long ago. Yet another sign of God’s healing work.
5. The camp director was very gracious when I called apologizing profusely, and even complimented me on what a wonderful son I have. She was merciful and didn’t threaten me with late fees or other incentives not to let it happen again.
6. Rather than having to wash these loads of laundry by hand, wring them out, and hang them up to dry (as I do when in Russia, and most Russians and the rest of the world do regularly), I’m blessed with a washer and dryer that does all of the hard work for me.
So there you have it. I am blessed and highly favored of the Lord. I will continue to rejoice in him and to keep my trust in him.
The next time you are tempted to let your day get negative, turn it on its ear and rejoice for the positives. You will be amazed at all the Lord has done for you when you take a moment to consider it.
Let’s not give up one more day to being defeated by our enemy—no matter what form that defeat tries to take. Remember, the joy of the Lord is our strength!
Nope, this year, as I considered the date, I actually felt excited about my life. I took a moment to thank God for all that he has brought me through in this time and to tell him how thrilled I am about wherever he is taking me. (Just being able to enjoy the unknown that used to tie me in such knots is a real victory!)
I had no way of knowing then what a challenge the day would become. Within five minutes of walking in the door at work, I was faced with a friend who said she didn’t want to live anymore. We’d been down this path about six months ago, but with counseling and medication, she was greatly improved. This latest bout of depression caught me by surprise and scared me for her again. The next six hours were spent getting her emergency counseling attention, getting her antidepressant medication, and working on reports at her bedside while she took a nap to try to make up for some of the sleep she’s been lacking.
I made it back to the office in time to cram in the remaining reports that are due each Monday before running out to pick up Austin from my aunt, who was picking him up from camp at 3:00. As I pulled into her driveway at 4:45, it never occurred to me that she had forgotten all about going to get him, even though we discussed it at 11:00 this morning. Or that I wasn’t getting the cell phone messages from the camp or my ex because I forgot I had silenced the ringer so as not to disturb my friend’s rest. (Did I mention this was Austin’s first day at this camp? And that the camp director had to drive him up to meet his dad—the only one who answered the call? And that his dad was oh so happy to get the call in the first place?)
Now tonight, I’m on my third load of laundry, because the wet towels and swimsuit from camp that I intended to wash in the first load never made it in. Or into the second load that I started when I realized that I forgot to throw in the pants that Austin needs for tomorrow!
The point of my telling you this whole story is this: Tonight, I’m choosing to stay positive. I refuse to let any of this get the best of me today and drag me off to the pit that I normally frequent on the 8th of June. I’m choosing to keep my focus on all of the wonderful things that the Lord has done for me.
1. Out of a failed marriage, he brought the biggest blessing of my natural life: my son.
2. He has delivered me from the crippling depression in which my friend finds herself right now, and I know that he can deliver her.
3. As I sat—on the anniversary of my marriage—in the same counseling practice in which I told my husband six years ago that I was filing for divorce—the first time I’d revisited the place since then—I realized the extent to which God had healed all of that devastation.
4. I was able to deal with my aunt and my ex and not lose my patience with either one of them about a situation that would have driven me around the bend not that long ago. Yet another sign of God’s healing work.
5. The camp director was very gracious when I called apologizing profusely, and even complimented me on what a wonderful son I have. She was merciful and didn’t threaten me with late fees or other incentives not to let it happen again.
6. Rather than having to wash these loads of laundry by hand, wring them out, and hang them up to dry (as I do when in Russia, and most Russians and the rest of the world do regularly), I’m blessed with a washer and dryer that does all of the hard work for me.
So there you have it. I am blessed and highly favored of the Lord. I will continue to rejoice in him and to keep my trust in him.
The next time you are tempted to let your day get negative, turn it on its ear and rejoice for the positives. You will be amazed at all the Lord has done for you when you take a moment to consider it.
Let’s not give up one more day to being defeated by our enemy—no matter what form that defeat tries to take. Remember, the joy of the Lord is our strength!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
The Blame Game
As the rain poured down for what must have been the eighth day in a row, my co-worker confidently proclaimed, “I blame Christians for this!”
Laughing, I responded, “Why? What did we do?”
“Well, your God punishes, so obviously you all are the reason for all of this rain.”
Before the conversation could go any further, our boss walked through with a work-related question, and I returned to my desk with the printout that I’d been there to retrieve.
That moment struck me because of the perceived truth of the sentiment underlying the joking. For this man, and for many of us, we’re more apt to think of a God who punishes than of a loving God who is not willing that any should perish.
How often in the midst of really trying circumstances (with much bigger implications than a rainy afternoon) do we feel that God is punishing us, when the reality is that what we’re going through is a direct consequence of an action we’ve taken (or refused to take) or a decision we’ve made.
Please do not misunderstand me. Not everything bad that happens to us is our fault. Those who’ve been victimized by others suffer because of the free-will bad choices that their victimizers made. Period. What I’m saying is that often, the rough patch we’re going through is of our own making.
Case in point: I should not drink alcohol on a regular basis. While the bible tells us not to be drunk with wine, I don’t believe there’s any general prohibition against alcohol. If there were, Jesus would not have made his first miracle turning water into the best wine served at the wedding of Cana. That said there are some people who do not do well drinking alcohol. In my family line—both sides—is a history of chemical depression. This means that I have to be even more careful about eating nutritious foods, getting enough sleep, avoiding too much caffeine, exercising regularly, and not drinking more than a glass or two of alcohol on any given occasion. Why? Because when I get those things out of whack, I start to feel depressed. Is God punishing me with depression? No, in fact he’s the one there to restore me to wholeness when I realize that I’ve done it again.
For anyone out there who’s still convinced that God is just waiting for them to trip up, take a look at Luke 15:11–31, the story of the prodigal (lost) son. It’s the third of three parables that Jesus told in response to the religious folks (Pharisees and teachers of the law) complaining about Jesus: “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them” (Luke 15:2, NIV).
For anyone unfamiliar with the story, it goes like this. A man has two sons. One day the younger son comes to him and demands his “share of the estate.” (In other words, he doesn’t even wait until his father dies to make a grab for his money.) The father complies and divides his property between his two sons.
The younger son takes off for another country and parties the money away “in wild living” “with prostitutes.” Nothing like working your whole life to leave an inheritance for your child, only to have it blown in a Middle-Eastern Vegas.
A little time goes by, and the economy goes sour. Famine hits the land. The younger son finds himself out of money and working in a dead-end job starving. He finally “comes to his senses” and decides to go home and ask to become a servant back in his old house. He doesn’t expect his dad to take him back as a son, but he knows that the man treats his servants well, and at least he won’t go hungry there. His plan is to go back, admit he’s sinned against his father, and ask him to take him back as a hired man.
“But while he (the son) was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20, NIV, emphasis mine).
According to plan, the son said, “Father I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son” (v. 21).
Did the father stop and berate him? Did he punish him? Make him feel guilty by asking where all his hard-earned money had gone? Nope. He declared a feast—a celebration because “this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found” (v. 24).
In fact, the only one who was really ticked off at the younger son was the older brother. He’d stayed and worked on his father’s behalf. He’d done what he was supposed to do. Where were his accolades? Where was his celebration?
This story has so many angles to examine, such richness that a whole series could be spent just looking at the significance of each of the characters in the story. But here’s the relevance as it concerns what we’re talking about today, and the situations that we as Christians find ourselves in when we’ve made bad decisions, acted wrongly—sinned.
Jesus told this story in response to religious folks criticizing his relationships with “sinners.” When we are believers, we have become adopted sons and daughters of God (Ephesians 1:5, 2 Cor. 6:18). In this story, it wasn’t a servant who had wronged the father (God); it was a son (a believer).
I’ve been there. I’m sure you have too. And what’s our first impulse? Like Adam and Eve, maybe we want to hide from God. Or maybe, like this son, we know our only hope is to go back to God and admit our sin, and maybe if we do, we can at least be his servants again: work harder, do more in church, be better about following "the rules."
That’s our wrong thinking, not his. Notice this father: watching and waiting for this son to come home. Running out to meet him. Declaring a celebration. The only one who wants to punish in this story is the other son (the fellow believer who hasn’t committed the same sin—made the same mistakes as this one who was off living large, squandering all that the father had given him).
Please hear this. God loves you. If you are a believer in Christ Jesus, then you are his child. Do not let the world tell you that you can’t return to him. Don’t let them convince you that you have to hide from a God who’s looking to punish you if given half the chance. And don’t let other Christians who haven’t struggled with the same sin that you fell into make you feel that you have no right to be a full member of the family again. That’s not an opinion shared by your heavenly Father.
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1, NLT). The next time someone tries to condemn you, or your enemy whispers in your ear that you’ve squandered everything God has done for you, say out loud, “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12, NIV).
Don’t waste your energy playing someone else’s blame game, even if the someone else is the little voice in your head that wants to criticize you for your mistakes. Keep moving forward. Keep your eyes on the Lord. Know that his plans are to “prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!’” (Lamentations 3:22–24, NLT, emphasis mine).
It’s not punishment—but God’s mercies—that never cease. Count on his love to be waiting for your return no matter how far you’ve strayed or how long you’ve been gone.
Laughing, I responded, “Why? What did we do?”
“Well, your God punishes, so obviously you all are the reason for all of this rain.”
Before the conversation could go any further, our boss walked through with a work-related question, and I returned to my desk with the printout that I’d been there to retrieve.
That moment struck me because of the perceived truth of the sentiment underlying the joking. For this man, and for many of us, we’re more apt to think of a God who punishes than of a loving God who is not willing that any should perish.
How often in the midst of really trying circumstances (with much bigger implications than a rainy afternoon) do we feel that God is punishing us, when the reality is that what we’re going through is a direct consequence of an action we’ve taken (or refused to take) or a decision we’ve made.
Please do not misunderstand me. Not everything bad that happens to us is our fault. Those who’ve been victimized by others suffer because of the free-will bad choices that their victimizers made. Period. What I’m saying is that often, the rough patch we’re going through is of our own making.
Case in point: I should not drink alcohol on a regular basis. While the bible tells us not to be drunk with wine, I don’t believe there’s any general prohibition against alcohol. If there were, Jesus would not have made his first miracle turning water into the best wine served at the wedding of Cana. That said there are some people who do not do well drinking alcohol. In my family line—both sides—is a history of chemical depression. This means that I have to be even more careful about eating nutritious foods, getting enough sleep, avoiding too much caffeine, exercising regularly, and not drinking more than a glass or two of alcohol on any given occasion. Why? Because when I get those things out of whack, I start to feel depressed. Is God punishing me with depression? No, in fact he’s the one there to restore me to wholeness when I realize that I’ve done it again.
For anyone out there who’s still convinced that God is just waiting for them to trip up, take a look at Luke 15:11–31, the story of the prodigal (lost) son. It’s the third of three parables that Jesus told in response to the religious folks (Pharisees and teachers of the law) complaining about Jesus: “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them” (Luke 15:2, NIV).
For anyone unfamiliar with the story, it goes like this. A man has two sons. One day the younger son comes to him and demands his “share of the estate.” (In other words, he doesn’t even wait until his father dies to make a grab for his money.) The father complies and divides his property between his two sons.
The younger son takes off for another country and parties the money away “in wild living” “with prostitutes.” Nothing like working your whole life to leave an inheritance for your child, only to have it blown in a Middle-Eastern Vegas.
A little time goes by, and the economy goes sour. Famine hits the land. The younger son finds himself out of money and working in a dead-end job starving. He finally “comes to his senses” and decides to go home and ask to become a servant back in his old house. He doesn’t expect his dad to take him back as a son, but he knows that the man treats his servants well, and at least he won’t go hungry there. His plan is to go back, admit he’s sinned against his father, and ask him to take him back as a hired man.
“But while he (the son) was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20, NIV, emphasis mine).
According to plan, the son said, “Father I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son” (v. 21).
Did the father stop and berate him? Did he punish him? Make him feel guilty by asking where all his hard-earned money had gone? Nope. He declared a feast—a celebration because “this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found” (v. 24).
In fact, the only one who was really ticked off at the younger son was the older brother. He’d stayed and worked on his father’s behalf. He’d done what he was supposed to do. Where were his accolades? Where was his celebration?
This story has so many angles to examine, such richness that a whole series could be spent just looking at the significance of each of the characters in the story. But here’s the relevance as it concerns what we’re talking about today, and the situations that we as Christians find ourselves in when we’ve made bad decisions, acted wrongly—sinned.
Jesus told this story in response to religious folks criticizing his relationships with “sinners.” When we are believers, we have become adopted sons and daughters of God (Ephesians 1:5, 2 Cor. 6:18). In this story, it wasn’t a servant who had wronged the father (God); it was a son (a believer).
I’ve been there. I’m sure you have too. And what’s our first impulse? Like Adam and Eve, maybe we want to hide from God. Or maybe, like this son, we know our only hope is to go back to God and admit our sin, and maybe if we do, we can at least be his servants again: work harder, do more in church, be better about following "the rules."
That’s our wrong thinking, not his. Notice this father: watching and waiting for this son to come home. Running out to meet him. Declaring a celebration. The only one who wants to punish in this story is the other son (the fellow believer who hasn’t committed the same sin—made the same mistakes as this one who was off living large, squandering all that the father had given him).
Please hear this. God loves you. If you are a believer in Christ Jesus, then you are his child. Do not let the world tell you that you can’t return to him. Don’t let them convince you that you have to hide from a God who’s looking to punish you if given half the chance. And don’t let other Christians who haven’t struggled with the same sin that you fell into make you feel that you have no right to be a full member of the family again. That’s not an opinion shared by your heavenly Father.
“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1, NLT). The next time someone tries to condemn you, or your enemy whispers in your ear that you’ve squandered everything God has done for you, say out loud, “as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us” (Psalm 103:12, NIV).
Don’t waste your energy playing someone else’s blame game, even if the someone else is the little voice in your head that wants to criticize you for your mistakes. Keep moving forward. Keep your eyes on the Lord. Know that his plans are to “prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV).
“The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning. I say to myself, ‘The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!’” (Lamentations 3:22–24, NLT, emphasis mine).
It’s not punishment—but God’s mercies—that never cease. Count on his love to be waiting for your return no matter how far you’ve strayed or how long you’ve been gone.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Yes, Even That
There are times in life—things that happen to us or because of us—that just seem to get us stuck. I met a man in Russia who was in that place. He looked to be around 30, and he’d been drinking. The Russian pastors and interpreter I was with stopped to talk with him in a city park. I’ll call him Ivan, though I honestly don’t remember his name. What I do remember was his face. It was a handsome young face that still looked tense behind the smile, tired beyond his years. He exuded bravado, but as we spoke with him, you could sense his underlying sadness.
We stopped to talk to Ivan to see whether he knew for sure that if something happened to him that day that he would wake up in heaven. What would he say if he stood before God and God said, “Why should I let you into my kingdom?” Many of us aren’t sure how to answer those questions. I’ve been there. At this point in my life, I can honestly tell you that yes, I do know I would wake up in heaven. And if God asked me why he should let me in, I’d say: “Because Jesus died for me and I’ve asked him to forgive me for the times I’ve blown it and save me.” It’s a wonderful thing to have those questions answered.
But back to Ivan. Ivan couldn’t answer those questions because he was stuck. Ivan was one of the thousands of Russian soldiers who had been called to battle insurgents in the region of Chechnya. What Ivan wanted to know was whether we thought it was a sin that he had killed people there. My point to him was that it didn’t matter what we thought or whether it was or wasn’t, because what really mattered was that no matter what he had done, God loved him and there was nothing he wouldn’t forgive or couldn’t heal.
I think that’s the rub for a lot of us. We know way too much about the things that we’ve done in this life, and we get hung up on whether we’ve finally crossed a line at which point God just doesn’t want to have anything to do with us. On the flip side, maybe things have been done to us that have left us angry and bitter with God. Those of us who are the biggest on the idea of free will and doing what we want often struggle the most with wanting to blame God for the wrongs done to us when others have acted out of their own free will. It’s a bit of a paradox.
I’ve never been called on to fight for my country. I’ve never had to kill anyone in battle. I don’t know what it is to bear the burden of war memories. But I’ve done plenty of things that make me shutter to think of them. Things that I should have known better than to do. Things have been done to me that have left a mark even now. But this I know. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. How do I know that? Because he says so: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:28, NIV)
He also tells me “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.” (Romans 8:1, 31–34 NIV).
The bad news—and the good news—is that there is not a thing that any of us can do to change our past, whether 10 minutes or 10 years ago. It’s the past. But we can stop letting our past determine our future. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14, NIV)
Both of those passages (in Philippians and Romans) were penned by the apostle Paul, who before his conversion to Christianity led the persecution and execution of Christians. Think there was any baggage from his past that would have weighed him down if he had let it?
We must leave the past behind. But we can’t really do that on our own. We do that when we get honest with God. Maybe we need to tell him about some of the wrongs we’ve done and ask for his help to live life differently. Maybe we need to admit that we’re angry with him or someone else but that we want to forgive. Make a conscious decision to forgive and say it out loud. Then ask him to change our emotions that go with those memories; help us to see those circumstances or those people through his eyes.
How can it be that simple? I don’t know, but it is. Take King David for example. David is probably the most famous king in the Old Testament. David reigned at the height of Israel’s power as a nation. God referred to him as a man after his own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). That’s a pretty high compliment.
Before David was king, he was a shepherd. One of the first stories recorded about him is of his killing the giant Goliath with only a slingshot and his faith that God would help him defeat Israel’s enemy. He went on to be known for his valor in battle to the point that Saul, Israel’s king at the time, was jealous because the Israelites only credited Saul with killing thousands, but David his tens of thousands (I Samuel 18:7).
David was a talented writer and musician who wrote many of the Psalms. But David also was human. He blew it on many occasions. This was the same guy who slept with his neighbor’s wife, got her pregnant, then figured out a way to kill off her husband to cover his tracks. Did this get David voted off God’s island? Not at all. Yes, there were consequences to his actions, and yes they were devastating. (His and Bathsheba’s son died shortly after birth, and he grieved bitterly.) But here’s the important part of the story. When confronted with the truth about what he had done, David admitted he was wrong (2 Samuel 12), and God forgave him.
Despite his failures in life, David continued to be God’s appointed ruler. His line was blessed to be the ancestor of Jesus Christ himself, and God promised that the messiah would reign on David’s throne. To this day, Jews and Christians look at David’s life as both an example of how to worship God and a cautionary tale about the problems we can create for ourselves when we get off of God’s path.
I don’t know where you got stuck. Maybe it was a divorce. An affair. Something you never thought you could do but did. Something that you never thought would happen to you but did. Here’s what I know from experience, either my own or that of people I love dearly: There is not enough alcohol, drugs (legal or illegal), money, sex, or anything else in this world to fix “it.” Inevitably, any of those things used wrongly just increase our problems. But there is a solution: Give it to God.
The Christian rock group Third Day has a song called “Take It All” that speaks to this: “All the promises I’ve broken, all the times I’ve let you down. You’ve forgot them but still I hold on to the pain that makes me drown. But now I’m ready to let it go, to give it away. Take it all, ‘cause I can’t take it any longer. With all I have, I can’t make it on my own. Take the first, take the last, take the good and take the rest. Here I am, all I have, take it all.”
Maybe you’re thinking, ok I can give him these three memories, and those two bad habits, but there’s no way I can give him this one thing. It’s too awful. Or I need it too badly. Here’s what he would say: Yes, even that. Especially that one thing. No matter what that thing, memory, person, or habit is, give it to him. He will gladly take it and bear it for you. He said that he came “to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:2–3, NIV)
Stop for a moment and consider what you’ve been holding back from God. No matter how big or small, ugly or seemingly harmless, that is the thing you need to give to him. Yes, even that.
We stopped to talk to Ivan to see whether he knew for sure that if something happened to him that day that he would wake up in heaven. What would he say if he stood before God and God said, “Why should I let you into my kingdom?” Many of us aren’t sure how to answer those questions. I’ve been there. At this point in my life, I can honestly tell you that yes, I do know I would wake up in heaven. And if God asked me why he should let me in, I’d say: “Because Jesus died for me and I’ve asked him to forgive me for the times I’ve blown it and save me.” It’s a wonderful thing to have those questions answered.
But back to Ivan. Ivan couldn’t answer those questions because he was stuck. Ivan was one of the thousands of Russian soldiers who had been called to battle insurgents in the region of Chechnya. What Ivan wanted to know was whether we thought it was a sin that he had killed people there. My point to him was that it didn’t matter what we thought or whether it was or wasn’t, because what really mattered was that no matter what he had done, God loved him and there was nothing he wouldn’t forgive or couldn’t heal.
I think that’s the rub for a lot of us. We know way too much about the things that we’ve done in this life, and we get hung up on whether we’ve finally crossed a line at which point God just doesn’t want to have anything to do with us. On the flip side, maybe things have been done to us that have left us angry and bitter with God. Those of us who are the biggest on the idea of free will and doing what we want often struggle the most with wanting to blame God for the wrongs done to us when others have acted out of their own free will. It’s a bit of a paradox.
I’ve never been called on to fight for my country. I’ve never had to kill anyone in battle. I don’t know what it is to bear the burden of war memories. But I’ve done plenty of things that make me shutter to think of them. Things that I should have known better than to do. Things have been done to me that have left a mark even now. But this I know. Nothing can separate us from the love of God. How do I know that? Because he says so: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:28, NIV)
He also tells me “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.” (Romans 8:1, 31–34 NIV).
The bad news—and the good news—is that there is not a thing that any of us can do to change our past, whether 10 minutes or 10 years ago. It’s the past. But we can stop letting our past determine our future. “Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 3:13-14, NIV)
Both of those passages (in Philippians and Romans) were penned by the apostle Paul, who before his conversion to Christianity led the persecution and execution of Christians. Think there was any baggage from his past that would have weighed him down if he had let it?
We must leave the past behind. But we can’t really do that on our own. We do that when we get honest with God. Maybe we need to tell him about some of the wrongs we’ve done and ask for his help to live life differently. Maybe we need to admit that we’re angry with him or someone else but that we want to forgive. Make a conscious decision to forgive and say it out loud. Then ask him to change our emotions that go with those memories; help us to see those circumstances or those people through his eyes.
How can it be that simple? I don’t know, but it is. Take King David for example. David is probably the most famous king in the Old Testament. David reigned at the height of Israel’s power as a nation. God referred to him as a man after his own heart (1 Samuel 13:14). That’s a pretty high compliment.
Before David was king, he was a shepherd. One of the first stories recorded about him is of his killing the giant Goliath with only a slingshot and his faith that God would help him defeat Israel’s enemy. He went on to be known for his valor in battle to the point that Saul, Israel’s king at the time, was jealous because the Israelites only credited Saul with killing thousands, but David his tens of thousands (I Samuel 18:7).
David was a talented writer and musician who wrote many of the Psalms. But David also was human. He blew it on many occasions. This was the same guy who slept with his neighbor’s wife, got her pregnant, then figured out a way to kill off her husband to cover his tracks. Did this get David voted off God’s island? Not at all. Yes, there were consequences to his actions, and yes they were devastating. (His and Bathsheba’s son died shortly after birth, and he grieved bitterly.) But here’s the important part of the story. When confronted with the truth about what he had done, David admitted he was wrong (2 Samuel 12), and God forgave him.
Despite his failures in life, David continued to be God’s appointed ruler. His line was blessed to be the ancestor of Jesus Christ himself, and God promised that the messiah would reign on David’s throne. To this day, Jews and Christians look at David’s life as both an example of how to worship God and a cautionary tale about the problems we can create for ourselves when we get off of God’s path.
I don’t know where you got stuck. Maybe it was a divorce. An affair. Something you never thought you could do but did. Something that you never thought would happen to you but did. Here’s what I know from experience, either my own or that of people I love dearly: There is not enough alcohol, drugs (legal or illegal), money, sex, or anything else in this world to fix “it.” Inevitably, any of those things used wrongly just increase our problems. But there is a solution: Give it to God.
The Christian rock group Third Day has a song called “Take It All” that speaks to this: “All the promises I’ve broken, all the times I’ve let you down. You’ve forgot them but still I hold on to the pain that makes me drown. But now I’m ready to let it go, to give it away. Take it all, ‘cause I can’t take it any longer. With all I have, I can’t make it on my own. Take the first, take the last, take the good and take the rest. Here I am, all I have, take it all.”
Maybe you’re thinking, ok I can give him these three memories, and those two bad habits, but there’s no way I can give him this one thing. It’s too awful. Or I need it too badly. Here’s what he would say: Yes, even that. Especially that one thing. No matter what that thing, memory, person, or habit is, give it to him. He will gladly take it and bear it for you. He said that he came “to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (Isaiah 61:2–3, NIV)
Stop for a moment and consider what you’ve been holding back from God. No matter how big or small, ugly or seemingly harmless, that is the thing you need to give to him. Yes, even that.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Focus, People!
Have you ever noticed how effortless it is to focus on the negative? From the news to the classroom to conversations at work and home, it just seems way too easy to go down that path. Seems instinctual really.
That said, ultimately, it’s not very productive. Why? Because the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). When we’re focused on the negative, we’re definitely not feeling joyful, and we're operating from a place of weakness.
It took the first 35 years of my life to figure out that the quickest way for me to stop negative feelings, fears, anger, or depression, was to start thanking God for the good in my life. Out loud. Preferably with a prayer partner.
Try this the next time you are feeling down. Call someone who will pray with you. Don’t spend your time talking about the negative situation that you are experiencing. Instead, start praying together, thanking the Lord for anything and everything that comes to mind.
For example: “Thank you, Lord, for waking me up again this morning. Thank you for providing the air that I breathe and for giving me use of my arms and legs.”
As you pray this way, more things will come to your mind. Things we just tend to take for granted. Within minutes, you will feel amazingly better. Joyful even!
Here’s another trick. Don’t feel like cleaning the house? Thank the Lord that you have a house to clean. Angry with your child? Thank the Lord for blessing you to be able to have children. No matter what the aggravation, the Lord has blessed you. Focusing on the blessing will give you the joy—and the peace—that’s lacking in the midst of the challenge.
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4: 4–9, NIV)
If you’ve been struggling lately—and it seems that everyone I know has been—then take a few minutes every day for purposeful thanksgiving. You will be amazed at the results. Focusing on the positive takes practice, but like any other habit, the more you do it, the more natural it will become to you.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2 NIV).
Now that’s focus!
That said, ultimately, it’s not very productive. Why? Because the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). When we’re focused on the negative, we’re definitely not feeling joyful, and we're operating from a place of weakness.
It took the first 35 years of my life to figure out that the quickest way for me to stop negative feelings, fears, anger, or depression, was to start thanking God for the good in my life. Out loud. Preferably with a prayer partner.
Try this the next time you are feeling down. Call someone who will pray with you. Don’t spend your time talking about the negative situation that you are experiencing. Instead, start praying together, thanking the Lord for anything and everything that comes to mind.
For example: “Thank you, Lord, for waking me up again this morning. Thank you for providing the air that I breathe and for giving me use of my arms and legs.”
As you pray this way, more things will come to your mind. Things we just tend to take for granted. Within minutes, you will feel amazingly better. Joyful even!
Here’s another trick. Don’t feel like cleaning the house? Thank the Lord that you have a house to clean. Angry with your child? Thank the Lord for blessing you to be able to have children. No matter what the aggravation, the Lord has blessed you. Focusing on the blessing will give you the joy—and the peace—that’s lacking in the midst of the challenge.
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4: 4–9, NIV)
If you’ve been struggling lately—and it seems that everyone I know has been—then take a few minutes every day for purposeful thanksgiving. You will be amazed at the results. Focusing on the positive takes practice, but like any other habit, the more you do it, the more natural it will become to you.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2 NIV).
Now that’s focus!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Unexpected Blessings
Last night was one of those nights that I was zapped. After spending the past three days keeping up with 10-year-olds at six Orlando theme parks, I was really looking forward to a hot bath and a good night’s sleep.
Unfortunately, a brother-in-law I love dearly is in the dying process. So I found myself taking a shift at his bedside while my ex helped coach our son’s baseball game. After seven years of battling cancer, Mike is at the end of his days here on earth. The doctors called us in Easter morning to say our final goodbyes, but somehow, he has managed to cling to this world with the same tenacity he has been so well known in life for.
Mike hasn’t been conscious for over a week now, and the process has been wearing on all concerned who just want to be sure that he isn’t suffering. So there I was last night, settling in for some quiet television and monitoring his breathing—my only task to hit the button to deliver more pain meds if he seemed uncomfortable.
After a few hours on my own, Mike’s friend Jeff came in from Georgia for a visit. I’ve never met Jeff before but had heard much about him from Mike’s wife, because Jeff was the one who led Mike to Christ one day at work a few years ago. Before we talked, I didn’t know exactly how all of this had come about, but I knew that it had because of Mike’s complete transformation. He went from surly and belligerent to genuinely sweet overnight. The kind underside of his personality surfaced as old fears, hurts, and regrets disappeared under the saving blood of the cross. It was something to behold.
As we sat there in the quiet of that hospital room last night, Jeff began to tell me stories of his time with Mike. Again, to truly appreciate the unexpected blessing of this conversation, you’ve got to know a bit of the background.
Mike was the third of eight children. He spent nearly two years in the Army fighting in Vietnam. It was a war that he never talked about but it has stayed with him throughout his life. My earliest family memory of him was of his diving under a car during a family reunion—a good 20 years after his Army service—after a low-flying military plane sparked a flashback of the conflict.
There were also tales of his marijuana deals in the heyday and confusion of the 70s and his exploits on various motorcycles that he owned over the years. By the time I knew him, he tended to stay pretty quiet and keep mainly to himself. He was an avid fisherman and seemed to be most happy and peaceful out on the water with a whiskey and 7Up listening to Jimmy Buffett, longish blond hair and bushy mustache blowing back in the wind. He wasn’t one to tolerate much foolishness out of anyone, but he’d give you the Hawaiian shirt off of his back if he thought that you needed it or particularly liked it.
We never really talked about God, because my ex’s family held to the notion that you didn’t talk sex, religion, or politics, but I had the distinct impression that Mike wasn’t very interested in anything to do with the Lord. I’m sorry to say that for the first 18 or so years of our relationship, the only times I ever discussed Christ with him were when he asked about the mission trips I was taking to Russia.
Mike was originally diagnosed with cancer in 2002. By the time the cancer returned after a couple of years in remission, I knew he had become a Christian, and I sent him a book and a CD of healing scriptures developed by John Hagee Ministries. That opened the door for us to talk about the Lord, and one of my most precious “Mike” memories was of the Lord pressing me to take communion to him while he was in the hospital last summer with a blockage that was causing him tremendous stomach pain. I went, fearing that I was intruding, and ended up serving several family members and praying and celebrating life and God’s goodness with them.
Last night as I sat with Jeff, I learned so many things about Mike’s faith that I had not known. Not only did Mike become a Christian a few years ago, he and Jeff began a daily morning prayer time at work. When co-workers had any concerns, they would come to Mike and Jeff for prayer, and they would stop what they were doing and pray with them.
As I sat on the opposite side of the bed, I listened to Jeff tell Mike about several prayers they’d had answered just in the past couple of weeks. It was so sweet to see Jeff’s love for Mike and to listen to Jeff recount Mike’s love for Jesus. Once again, it reminded me that God really doesn’t care what any of us thinks of someone else’s desire for him or chances for salvation. He is always at work. He honored the prayers of Mike’s Christian wife and family members who’d been praying for his salvation. He spent years wooing him and sustaining him after the damage done in the war, and out of the wreckage of Mike’s woundedness, he created a beautiful heart for Jesus and compassion to see others set free.
As Mike’s earthly life comes to an end, I’m comforted in knowing that this is but a blink of an eye to the eternity God has prepared for him. I’m so thankful that after years of struggle, Mike finally grasped God’s love for him and accepted his gift of salvation.
He understood that heaven is a free gift.(1) None of us can earn it or deserve it.(2) We’re all sinners and can’t save ourselves.(3) God is love and he is merciful,(4) and he doesn’t want to punish us, but he’s just and must punish sin.(5) However, because he loves us so much, he solved our problem through his son Jesus Christ who was fully human and fully God.(6) Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead to pay the penalty for our sins, restore our broken relationship with God, and assure us of eternal life with him in heaven.(7) How? Through faith in Jesus alone and what he’s already done for us.(8)
It’s as easy as taking a minute to talk (pray) to God and say, “I know I’ve sinned. I’ve done things I shouldn’t and not done things that I should. But I know that you love me and that Jesus already paid for those sins when he died on the cross and defeated death. I ask Jesus to save me and be my Lord.” As soon as you’ve said that prayer—or something like it—you’ve started on that journey. In fact, John 6:47 tells us, “I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life” (Jesus speaking, NIV).
Now to really grow in all that the Lord has for you, you’ve got to spend time with him. Sounds hard, but it’s not. Pray (talk to him) in your own words. Learn about him through reading and studying the bible—it will really help to get a more modern translation like the NIV that’s easier to understand than something like the King James version. Find other people to study about God and spend time with. Find a group such as a church or bible study that you can be a part of so that you can learn more and have others around you to support your growth.
God is so good. If you have a family member or friend you’ve been praying for, don’t stop. It’s never too late for the Lord. I had the privilege of watching my 87-year-old mother-in-law receive Christ just a few months ago. We don’t know or understand God’s timing. We don’t have to. His ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9).
We just need to keep bringing those petitions to him, and He will bless us in the most unusual ways and places. Sometimes he even blesses us in a hospice room. Only he can bring such life and joy in the midst of death. After all, once we have trusted him for salvation, this life is just a shadow of the blessings to come.
------------------------------------------
Footnotes of scripture references:
1) Romans 6:23
2) Ephesians 2:8–9
3) Romans 3:23
4) 1 John 4:8b
5) Exodus 34:7b
6) John 1:1, 14
7) Isaiah 53:6
8) Acts 16:31
Unfortunately, a brother-in-law I love dearly is in the dying process. So I found myself taking a shift at his bedside while my ex helped coach our son’s baseball game. After seven years of battling cancer, Mike is at the end of his days here on earth. The doctors called us in Easter morning to say our final goodbyes, but somehow, he has managed to cling to this world with the same tenacity he has been so well known in life for.
Mike hasn’t been conscious for over a week now, and the process has been wearing on all concerned who just want to be sure that he isn’t suffering. So there I was last night, settling in for some quiet television and monitoring his breathing—my only task to hit the button to deliver more pain meds if he seemed uncomfortable.
After a few hours on my own, Mike’s friend Jeff came in from Georgia for a visit. I’ve never met Jeff before but had heard much about him from Mike’s wife, because Jeff was the one who led Mike to Christ one day at work a few years ago. Before we talked, I didn’t know exactly how all of this had come about, but I knew that it had because of Mike’s complete transformation. He went from surly and belligerent to genuinely sweet overnight. The kind underside of his personality surfaced as old fears, hurts, and regrets disappeared under the saving blood of the cross. It was something to behold.
As we sat there in the quiet of that hospital room last night, Jeff began to tell me stories of his time with Mike. Again, to truly appreciate the unexpected blessing of this conversation, you’ve got to know a bit of the background.
Mike was the third of eight children. He spent nearly two years in the Army fighting in Vietnam. It was a war that he never talked about but it has stayed with him throughout his life. My earliest family memory of him was of his diving under a car during a family reunion—a good 20 years after his Army service—after a low-flying military plane sparked a flashback of the conflict.
There were also tales of his marijuana deals in the heyday and confusion of the 70s and his exploits on various motorcycles that he owned over the years. By the time I knew him, he tended to stay pretty quiet and keep mainly to himself. He was an avid fisherman and seemed to be most happy and peaceful out on the water with a whiskey and 7Up listening to Jimmy Buffett, longish blond hair and bushy mustache blowing back in the wind. He wasn’t one to tolerate much foolishness out of anyone, but he’d give you the Hawaiian shirt off of his back if he thought that you needed it or particularly liked it.
We never really talked about God, because my ex’s family held to the notion that you didn’t talk sex, religion, or politics, but I had the distinct impression that Mike wasn’t very interested in anything to do with the Lord. I’m sorry to say that for the first 18 or so years of our relationship, the only times I ever discussed Christ with him were when he asked about the mission trips I was taking to Russia.
Mike was originally diagnosed with cancer in 2002. By the time the cancer returned after a couple of years in remission, I knew he had become a Christian, and I sent him a book and a CD of healing scriptures developed by John Hagee Ministries. That opened the door for us to talk about the Lord, and one of my most precious “Mike” memories was of the Lord pressing me to take communion to him while he was in the hospital last summer with a blockage that was causing him tremendous stomach pain. I went, fearing that I was intruding, and ended up serving several family members and praying and celebrating life and God’s goodness with them.
Last night as I sat with Jeff, I learned so many things about Mike’s faith that I had not known. Not only did Mike become a Christian a few years ago, he and Jeff began a daily morning prayer time at work. When co-workers had any concerns, they would come to Mike and Jeff for prayer, and they would stop what they were doing and pray with them.
As I sat on the opposite side of the bed, I listened to Jeff tell Mike about several prayers they’d had answered just in the past couple of weeks. It was so sweet to see Jeff’s love for Mike and to listen to Jeff recount Mike’s love for Jesus. Once again, it reminded me that God really doesn’t care what any of us thinks of someone else’s desire for him or chances for salvation. He is always at work. He honored the prayers of Mike’s Christian wife and family members who’d been praying for his salvation. He spent years wooing him and sustaining him after the damage done in the war, and out of the wreckage of Mike’s woundedness, he created a beautiful heart for Jesus and compassion to see others set free.
As Mike’s earthly life comes to an end, I’m comforted in knowing that this is but a blink of an eye to the eternity God has prepared for him. I’m so thankful that after years of struggle, Mike finally grasped God’s love for him and accepted his gift of salvation.
He understood that heaven is a free gift.(1) None of us can earn it or deserve it.(2) We’re all sinners and can’t save ourselves.(3) God is love and he is merciful,(4) and he doesn’t want to punish us, but he’s just and must punish sin.(5) However, because he loves us so much, he solved our problem through his son Jesus Christ who was fully human and fully God.(6) Jesus died on the cross and rose from the dead to pay the penalty for our sins, restore our broken relationship with God, and assure us of eternal life with him in heaven.(7) How? Through faith in Jesus alone and what he’s already done for us.(8)
It’s as easy as taking a minute to talk (pray) to God and say, “I know I’ve sinned. I’ve done things I shouldn’t and not done things that I should. But I know that you love me and that Jesus already paid for those sins when he died on the cross and defeated death. I ask Jesus to save me and be my Lord.” As soon as you’ve said that prayer—or something like it—you’ve started on that journey. In fact, John 6:47 tells us, “I tell you the truth, he who believes has everlasting life” (Jesus speaking, NIV).
Now to really grow in all that the Lord has for you, you’ve got to spend time with him. Sounds hard, but it’s not. Pray (talk to him) in your own words. Learn about him through reading and studying the bible—it will really help to get a more modern translation like the NIV that’s easier to understand than something like the King James version. Find other people to study about God and spend time with. Find a group such as a church or bible study that you can be a part of so that you can learn more and have others around you to support your growth.
God is so good. If you have a family member or friend you’ve been praying for, don’t stop. It’s never too late for the Lord. I had the privilege of watching my 87-year-old mother-in-law receive Christ just a few months ago. We don’t know or understand God’s timing. We don’t have to. His ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts higher than our thoughts (Isaiah 55:9).
We just need to keep bringing those petitions to him, and He will bless us in the most unusual ways and places. Sometimes he even blesses us in a hospice room. Only he can bring such life and joy in the midst of death. After all, once we have trusted him for salvation, this life is just a shadow of the blessings to come.
------------------------------------------
Footnotes of scripture references:
1) Romans 6:23
2) Ephesians 2:8–9
3) Romans 3:23
4) 1 John 4:8b
5) Exodus 34:7b
6) John 1:1, 14
7) Isaiah 53:6
8) Acts 16:31
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Crazy Comes Callin’
There comes a tipping point in every failed relationship when you know that it’s all over but the final judgment. You may have wondered before that, weighed your options, and considered what you should do, but when the tipping point happens, there’s no going back.
For me, that point came six months into our scariest round of marital discord; two months after Rob walked out of our last joint marriage counseling session and refused to come back; two days after he broke into the house and I thought one or both of us were going to end up dead.
I should have seen it coming, because as usual, it started with a vicious verbal assault filled with false accusations, cruel name-calling, and threats. He stormed out of the house around midnight that night yelling as he went that he would be spending the night with his brother who lived a couple of hours away.
Something in me knew that he would be back. I double-checked all door and window locks. I then took the house phone and my cell phone into my sleeping son’s bedroom (he was 4 at the time), locked the door, and pulled the dresser in front of it so that Rob could not get in.
Around 3 that morning, Rob came home really drunk. As he checked all of the doors and realized he was locked out, he started screaming for me to let him in. I ignored him and began to pray for our safety. I spoke every Bible verse about protection that came to mind, but I did not call the police.
I could hear Rob at our back bedroom windows beating on the windows and hurling curses at me. I did not answer but continued to pray. Within 15 minutes, he had broken in through the sliding glass door and was raging down the hall to our bedroom. When he realized I was not there, he turned and tried to open our son’s bedroom door, which was directly across the hall.
As soon as Rob realized that the door was locked, he grew quiet, and in a calm voice, he said, “Oh, so this is how you want it, Kim? Fine. Here’s Johnny.” (For those of you who aren’t familiar with Stephen King’s The Shining, this is the line the psychotic father says as he uses an axe to try to come through the door his wife and son are barricaded behind.)
For the first time since he’d come home, I spoke softly. “Go to bed, Rob. Your son is sleeping in here.”
He said nothing else, but turned and stormed down the hall. For a while, I listened to things crashing and banging, and then the house was silent. I still did not call the police. There is no explanation for it, and today I still don’t understand why I felt powerless to do anything to help myself, even though I had access to both phones.
My son and I spent the rest of the night locked in his bedroom, him sleeping, and me praying to make it to daylight. As soon as dawn broke, I called my aunt and asked her if she would send my uncle to get us out of the house. I was afraid to open the door without someone else there, because I thought Rob might be lying in wait for us or may have finally carried through on his threat to kill himself.
My aunt was there within 15 minutes—all 5’3’’ of her—and after ringing the doorbell for several minutes, I finally heard Rob shuffling off to let her in. He and I ended up driving in separate cars to a local eatery so that we could “talk” about what had happened while my aunt stayed with my son. Throughout this conversation, Rob continually denied that he had any real intention of hurting either one of us. He claimed not to understand why I was so afraid.
I would like to tell you that this was the tipping point. It wasn’t. While it precipitated the finale, that actually came two days later in a teary call with one of my work colleagues when I finally had the courage to admit what had happened to someone outside of my family. Dan listened quietly to the whole weepy story without judgment. When I’d finished recounting it, he said very gently, “Kim, why didn’t you call the police?”
I thought about it for a moment. “I didn’t want my son to see his father taken off in handcuffs.”
Quietly he responded, “Would it have been better for him to watch him mom being carried out in a body bag?”
Even now, the memory of that question takes my breath away and brings tears to my eyes. That was the moment. The tipping point. In that instant I realized that I didn’t know how to leave, but I knew that I had to. I had been willing to endure all sorts of terror in the name of trying to hold my marriage together, but I was not willing to saddle our son with that kind of memory for the rest of his life.
So I’m now going to do someone out there the same difficult favor that Dan did for me. Very gently, I’m going to tell you that I know that it’s hard to leave. Sometimes it even seems impossible. I understand that you love him. I know that when you took those vows, you really meant for better or worse. But I need to ask you: “Would it be better for your child or loved one to watch you being carried out in a body bag?” I know that’s a tough question, but you are worth asking it of.
Now, take a deep breath and let’s all have a bit of God-style, I’ve-got-your-back, comic relief. I had forgotten all about the following incident until it came up in a small group discussion a couple of weeks ago. Here’s what happened to Rob that very week.
At the time, he managed a store in a pretty sketchy area of town, though he’d never had any problems there. Imagine my surprise, when he came home visibly shaken one day. According to him, he’d been minding his own business in the store when a man came in looking for water. Not long after the man was in the shop, he stared ranting and cursing Rob and acting as though he were going to attack him. Rob ended up fleeing the shop completely unharmed, but as he recited the tale to me, he said that at the time it happened, he really thought the man was going to kill him.
So here was the God part in all of that. As Rob was telling me the story, I knew he’d been visited with a little divine payback. After all, this was on the heals of his making me think he was going to kill me. Nothing like this had ever happened before in his store (or happened after that time). While he remained physically safe in the incident, he was mentally and emotionally shaken.
Don’t get me wrong. God is light and there is no darkness in him. He does not promote evil. He did not force this stranger to behave this way. At the same time, he did not stand in the way of it happening.
“He is the God who pays back those who harm me; he subdues the nations under me.” Psalm 18:47 (New Living Translation, emphasis mine). I don’t know it for a fact, but I think this was a case where God allowed Rob to get a taste of his own medicine (so to speak), while his life was never really in danger.
All I can tell you was that as he recited the tale—clueless of any connection—I thought of how faithful God is. He protected us both, but he also allowed Rob to see for himself exactly what true terror felt like. In that moment, God confirmed his love for me, his protection of me, and his control of the situation. At a time when most of my family seemed unable to comprehend my need to leave the marriage, he sent me a gentle colleague to speak truth that sparked the courage to change. And then he topped it off by allowing Rob a life lesson sure to bring the understanding he was lacking.
If you are reading this and know that you have been living in a dangerous situation that you need to get out of, you need a plan. I worked with my counselor to develop a safe exit strategy. I am not a counselor, but I know there are shelters out there that can help you with such a plan. And I hope that should you find yourself in the middle of a terror incident, this story will give you the courage to call the police.
For all of us, no matter what our circumstances, we can know that God is on our side. “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV, emphasis mine)
God is with you. A mighty savior who loves you and delights in you to the point that he sings about it.
I just love the idea of God singing over me. Sometimes, I imagine it more as a love song, sometimes a lullaby. As I was on my way to work this morning, the first song on the radio was “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North. For anyone not familiar with it, it’s sung from God’s perspective to those he loves. Here are a few of the lyrics:
“I’ll be by your side wherever you fall. In the dead of night whenever you call. And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you.”
As it played, I realized that this just may have been God’s way of singing over me this morning. I love it when he does that!
He’s always with us. Sometimes we just have to stop and listen for him.
For me, that point came six months into our scariest round of marital discord; two months after Rob walked out of our last joint marriage counseling session and refused to come back; two days after he broke into the house and I thought one or both of us were going to end up dead.
I should have seen it coming, because as usual, it started with a vicious verbal assault filled with false accusations, cruel name-calling, and threats. He stormed out of the house around midnight that night yelling as he went that he would be spending the night with his brother who lived a couple of hours away.
Something in me knew that he would be back. I double-checked all door and window locks. I then took the house phone and my cell phone into my sleeping son’s bedroom (he was 4 at the time), locked the door, and pulled the dresser in front of it so that Rob could not get in.
Around 3 that morning, Rob came home really drunk. As he checked all of the doors and realized he was locked out, he started screaming for me to let him in. I ignored him and began to pray for our safety. I spoke every Bible verse about protection that came to mind, but I did not call the police.
I could hear Rob at our back bedroom windows beating on the windows and hurling curses at me. I did not answer but continued to pray. Within 15 minutes, he had broken in through the sliding glass door and was raging down the hall to our bedroom. When he realized I was not there, he turned and tried to open our son’s bedroom door, which was directly across the hall.
As soon as Rob realized that the door was locked, he grew quiet, and in a calm voice, he said, “Oh, so this is how you want it, Kim? Fine. Here’s Johnny.” (For those of you who aren’t familiar with Stephen King’s The Shining, this is the line the psychotic father says as he uses an axe to try to come through the door his wife and son are barricaded behind.)
For the first time since he’d come home, I spoke softly. “Go to bed, Rob. Your son is sleeping in here.”
He said nothing else, but turned and stormed down the hall. For a while, I listened to things crashing and banging, and then the house was silent. I still did not call the police. There is no explanation for it, and today I still don’t understand why I felt powerless to do anything to help myself, even though I had access to both phones.
My son and I spent the rest of the night locked in his bedroom, him sleeping, and me praying to make it to daylight. As soon as dawn broke, I called my aunt and asked her if she would send my uncle to get us out of the house. I was afraid to open the door without someone else there, because I thought Rob might be lying in wait for us or may have finally carried through on his threat to kill himself.
My aunt was there within 15 minutes—all 5’3’’ of her—and after ringing the doorbell for several minutes, I finally heard Rob shuffling off to let her in. He and I ended up driving in separate cars to a local eatery so that we could “talk” about what had happened while my aunt stayed with my son. Throughout this conversation, Rob continually denied that he had any real intention of hurting either one of us. He claimed not to understand why I was so afraid.
I would like to tell you that this was the tipping point. It wasn’t. While it precipitated the finale, that actually came two days later in a teary call with one of my work colleagues when I finally had the courage to admit what had happened to someone outside of my family. Dan listened quietly to the whole weepy story without judgment. When I’d finished recounting it, he said very gently, “Kim, why didn’t you call the police?”
I thought about it for a moment. “I didn’t want my son to see his father taken off in handcuffs.”
Quietly he responded, “Would it have been better for him to watch him mom being carried out in a body bag?”
Even now, the memory of that question takes my breath away and brings tears to my eyes. That was the moment. The tipping point. In that instant I realized that I didn’t know how to leave, but I knew that I had to. I had been willing to endure all sorts of terror in the name of trying to hold my marriage together, but I was not willing to saddle our son with that kind of memory for the rest of his life.
So I’m now going to do someone out there the same difficult favor that Dan did for me. Very gently, I’m going to tell you that I know that it’s hard to leave. Sometimes it even seems impossible. I understand that you love him. I know that when you took those vows, you really meant for better or worse. But I need to ask you: “Would it be better for your child or loved one to watch you being carried out in a body bag?” I know that’s a tough question, but you are worth asking it of.
Now, take a deep breath and let’s all have a bit of God-style, I’ve-got-your-back, comic relief. I had forgotten all about the following incident until it came up in a small group discussion a couple of weeks ago. Here’s what happened to Rob that very week.
At the time, he managed a store in a pretty sketchy area of town, though he’d never had any problems there. Imagine my surprise, when he came home visibly shaken one day. According to him, he’d been minding his own business in the store when a man came in looking for water. Not long after the man was in the shop, he stared ranting and cursing Rob and acting as though he were going to attack him. Rob ended up fleeing the shop completely unharmed, but as he recited the tale to me, he said that at the time it happened, he really thought the man was going to kill him.
So here was the God part in all of that. As Rob was telling me the story, I knew he’d been visited with a little divine payback. After all, this was on the heals of his making me think he was going to kill me. Nothing like this had ever happened before in his store (or happened after that time). While he remained physically safe in the incident, he was mentally and emotionally shaken.
Don’t get me wrong. God is light and there is no darkness in him. He does not promote evil. He did not force this stranger to behave this way. At the same time, he did not stand in the way of it happening.
“He is the God who pays back those who harm me; he subdues the nations under me.” Psalm 18:47 (New Living Translation, emphasis mine). I don’t know it for a fact, but I think this was a case where God allowed Rob to get a taste of his own medicine (so to speak), while his life was never really in danger.
All I can tell you was that as he recited the tale—clueless of any connection—I thought of how faithful God is. He protected us both, but he also allowed Rob to see for himself exactly what true terror felt like. In that moment, God confirmed his love for me, his protection of me, and his control of the situation. At a time when most of my family seemed unable to comprehend my need to leave the marriage, he sent me a gentle colleague to speak truth that sparked the courage to change. And then he topped it off by allowing Rob a life lesson sure to bring the understanding he was lacking.
If you are reading this and know that you have been living in a dangerous situation that you need to get out of, you need a plan. I worked with my counselor to develop a safe exit strategy. I am not a counselor, but I know there are shelters out there that can help you with such a plan. And I hope that should you find yourself in the middle of a terror incident, this story will give you the courage to call the police.
For all of us, no matter what our circumstances, we can know that God is on our side. “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17 (NIV, emphasis mine)
God is with you. A mighty savior who loves you and delights in you to the point that he sings about it.
I just love the idea of God singing over me. Sometimes, I imagine it more as a love song, sometimes a lullaby. As I was on my way to work this morning, the first song on the radio was “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North. For anyone not familiar with it, it’s sung from God’s perspective to those he loves. Here are a few of the lyrics:
“I’ll be by your side wherever you fall. In the dead of night whenever you call. And please don’t fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you.”
As it played, I realized that this just may have been God’s way of singing over me this morning. I love it when he does that!
He’s always with us. Sometimes we just have to stop and listen for him.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
You’re No One’s Doormat
A couple of weeks ago, I came across one of the best opinion columns I’ve ever read about abuse. Perhaps it struck a chord with me because it was told from the perspective of a grown son who regrets pleading with his mother to take his abusive father back. It was real and honest and penned from the heart.
The column, “When a man hits a woman,” by Leonard Pitts, Jr., was written to Rihanna (the singer) following her much-publicized beating and apparent reconciliation with singer Chris Brown. I wanted to share this piece of it with anyone out there who is torn between loving someone and leaving them because they are abusive (whether that abuse is physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, or all of the above).
Pitts writes: “You can understand, perhaps, why many of us find it incomprehensible that you were reportedly spotted with him, apparently reconciled, just days later. Incomprehensible and yet, not surprising at all. On the contrary, it is the classic behavior of the battered woman. They tell themselves it was their fault. They tell themselves it was a one-time thing. They tell themselves he really is a good guy at heart. They tell themselves their love will change him.
They tell themselves lies, Ms. Fenty — lies, evasions and rationalizations. They tell themselves everything but the truth: that the man they love is damaged and dysfunctional. And that, absent some intense and committed therapy, he will do it again.
Repeating for emphasis: He will do it again. And again.”
I wish it weren’t true, but it is. When a relationship turns toxic it continues that way unless both parties get help. It becomes more toxic—not less—over time.
I’d like to add another dimension to this, because these are the things that had me stuck for so long. As a Christian woman, I felt responsible to stay and be a witness to him. I felt that I was wrong to leave, because if I truly forgave him, I would stay. I can remember repeated prayers for God to change him. To change me. To change the circumstances. To change anything that would allow us to stay together. I can remember as clear as a bell the Lord’s response in my spirit: “Get out of my way.”
Here’s the thing. I was the classic enabler. A doormat. I wanted God to deal with Rob, but then got in the way to mitigate anything that might get his attention.
Imagine my surprise when I came across these verses in Isaiah 51:22–23 (NIV).
“This is what your Sovereign LORD says, your God, who defends his people: ‘See, I have taken out of your hand the cup that made you stagger; from that cup, the goblet of my wrath, you will never drink again. I will put it into the hands of your tormentors, who said to you, “Fall prostrate that we may walk over you.” And you made your back like the ground, like a street to be walked over.’” (emphasis mine).
The reality was that while it wasn’t right that Rob was treating me that way, I was the one who was allowing him to walk over me. Was the Lord criticizing me for this? Did he say, “You made your bed, now lie in it”? No, that’s never been his way. God is about forgiveness, grace, love, redemption, and restoration.
Here’s how Isaiah continues in the very next passage. Here’s what the Lord’s remedy was to my failed effort to live happily as a doormat:
“Awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem, the holy city. The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again. Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive Daughter of Zion. For this is what the LORD says: ‘You were sold for nothing, and without money you will be redeemed.’” (Isaiah 52:1–3, emphasis mine)
God redeems us. We don’t earn it. We can’t buy it. We just accept his redemption.
Yes we are to forgive, but forgiveness does not mean that we continue to lie down and take whatever meanness someone wants to dish out. We are the Lord’s. We have been bought with a price. He loves us with an everlasting love. It was for freedom that Christ set us free.
Go back and read that passage from Isaiah 52, and insert your name into every place that is in red. None of us has to continue to live as a doormat, and especially not in the name of Christ.
We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, even finding the courage to leave when all other options have been exhausted.
Here’s how Pitts finished the letter to Rihanna: “I understand if you love him. But it's OK to love yourself some, too.”
No matter what anyone else says or thinks about your decision not to stay in an abusive situation, God promises that nothing can separate you from his love (Romans 8:38–39). Awake! Clothe yourself in strength. Free yourself from the chains on your neck. God has redeemed you!
Should you like to read the Pitt’s article in its entirety, here’s the link:
http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/leonard-pitts/story/943498.html
The column, “When a man hits a woman,” by Leonard Pitts, Jr., was written to Rihanna (the singer) following her much-publicized beating and apparent reconciliation with singer Chris Brown. I wanted to share this piece of it with anyone out there who is torn between loving someone and leaving them because they are abusive (whether that abuse is physical, verbal, emotional, sexual, or all of the above).
Pitts writes: “You can understand, perhaps, why many of us find it incomprehensible that you were reportedly spotted with him, apparently reconciled, just days later. Incomprehensible and yet, not surprising at all. On the contrary, it is the classic behavior of the battered woman. They tell themselves it was their fault. They tell themselves it was a one-time thing. They tell themselves he really is a good guy at heart. They tell themselves their love will change him.
They tell themselves lies, Ms. Fenty — lies, evasions and rationalizations. They tell themselves everything but the truth: that the man they love is damaged and dysfunctional. And that, absent some intense and committed therapy, he will do it again.
Repeating for emphasis: He will do it again. And again.”
I wish it weren’t true, but it is. When a relationship turns toxic it continues that way unless both parties get help. It becomes more toxic—not less—over time.
I’d like to add another dimension to this, because these are the things that had me stuck for so long. As a Christian woman, I felt responsible to stay and be a witness to him. I felt that I was wrong to leave, because if I truly forgave him, I would stay. I can remember repeated prayers for God to change him. To change me. To change the circumstances. To change anything that would allow us to stay together. I can remember as clear as a bell the Lord’s response in my spirit: “Get out of my way.”
Here’s the thing. I was the classic enabler. A doormat. I wanted God to deal with Rob, but then got in the way to mitigate anything that might get his attention.
Imagine my surprise when I came across these verses in Isaiah 51:22–23 (NIV).
“This is what your Sovereign LORD says, your God, who defends his people: ‘See, I have taken out of your hand the cup that made you stagger; from that cup, the goblet of my wrath, you will never drink again. I will put it into the hands of your tormentors, who said to you, “Fall prostrate that we may walk over you.” And you made your back like the ground, like a street to be walked over.’” (emphasis mine).
The reality was that while it wasn’t right that Rob was treating me that way, I was the one who was allowing him to walk over me. Was the Lord criticizing me for this? Did he say, “You made your bed, now lie in it”? No, that’s never been his way. God is about forgiveness, grace, love, redemption, and restoration.
Here’s how Isaiah continues in the very next passage. Here’s what the Lord’s remedy was to my failed effort to live happily as a doormat:
“Awake, awake, O Zion, clothe yourself with strength. Put on your garments of splendor, O Jerusalem, the holy city. The uncircumcised and defiled will not enter you again. Shake off your dust; rise up, sit enthroned, O Jerusalem. Free yourself from the chains on your neck, O captive Daughter of Zion. For this is what the LORD says: ‘You were sold for nothing, and without money you will be redeemed.’” (Isaiah 52:1–3, emphasis mine)
God redeems us. We don’t earn it. We can’t buy it. We just accept his redemption.
Yes we are to forgive, but forgiveness does not mean that we continue to lie down and take whatever meanness someone wants to dish out. We are the Lord’s. We have been bought with a price. He loves us with an everlasting love. It was for freedom that Christ set us free.
Go back and read that passage from Isaiah 52, and insert your name into every place that is in red. None of us has to continue to live as a doormat, and especially not in the name of Christ.
We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength, even finding the courage to leave when all other options have been exhausted.
Here’s how Pitts finished the letter to Rihanna: “I understand if you love him. But it's OK to love yourself some, too.”
No matter what anyone else says or thinks about your decision not to stay in an abusive situation, God promises that nothing can separate you from his love (Romans 8:38–39). Awake! Clothe yourself in strength. Free yourself from the chains on your neck. God has redeemed you!
Should you like to read the Pitt’s article in its entirety, here’s the link:
http://www.miamiherald.com/living/columnists/leonard-pitts/story/943498.html
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Contradictions
If I had one word to describe this time in my life it would be contradiction. Contradiction of hopes. Contradiction of desires. Contradiction of beliefs. Contradiction of dreams. Contradiction of time spent. Contradiction.
And frankly, that sense of contradiction is making me feel like a big phony… a big “ought to.” But the problem is that even the “ought to” is undefined. I desire to be the woman God wants me to be. But I desire to have things my way in my timing. I believe that God has my best in mind. But what if that best still isn’t that great?
As for dreams, I can’t rest at night for all of the dreams that God is pouring through me. And yet, in the daytime, my “dreams” for my own life have disappeared. Essentially, I’ve stopped dreaming. I don’t imagine my life with a husband and father to my son, because frankly, to do so seems pointless. I can’t imagine it, and anything I could imagine would probably be a lie. And honestly, it’s pretty difficult not to have dreams. Not to have desires. I guess that’s another contradiction. I do have those things, but I’ve stopped acknowledging them. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. But how do I live without deferring hope? This is definitely not the life I had envisioned for myself or for my son.
Contradiction of time spent. I feel like I have too much time and not enough time all at the same time. So what do I do with all of this? Where do I go with all of this contradiction? I give it again to the Lord, and I wait. I wait and I hope. The Lord says he knows the desires of my heart. He says that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. He says that if I seek first the kingdom of God, all these things will be added unto me. Thank goodness that he knows what those are, because I sure don’t. All I can do is have faith that God will work all of this together for good. That he will restore what the canker-worm has stolen. That my job is to wait on the Lord. To be strong and to take heart and wait on the Lord. That I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
I’m sorry to even admit this, Lord, but I sure hope so. Which immediately brings me back to the reality that my life is paradise compared to the life experience of 98% of the world’s population. So Lord, forgive me for doubting and growing impatient. Help me to be strong. Renew my strength.
Come to think of it, Jesus is the ultimate contradiction. The spotless lamb and the Lion of the tribe of Judah. The beginning and the end. The servant and the king. Sacrificed for the sin of the world and glorified and seated at the right hand of the Father. Come to think of it, maybe this world of contradiction is right where I need to be. Bold but humble. Weak in myself but strong in the Lord.
“But if I go to the east, he (God) is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him. But he knows the way I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” (Job 23:8–10, NIV, emphasis mine)
And frankly, that sense of contradiction is making me feel like a big phony… a big “ought to.” But the problem is that even the “ought to” is undefined. I desire to be the woman God wants me to be. But I desire to have things my way in my timing. I believe that God has my best in mind. But what if that best still isn’t that great?
As for dreams, I can’t rest at night for all of the dreams that God is pouring through me. And yet, in the daytime, my “dreams” for my own life have disappeared. Essentially, I’ve stopped dreaming. I don’t imagine my life with a husband and father to my son, because frankly, to do so seems pointless. I can’t imagine it, and anything I could imagine would probably be a lie. And honestly, it’s pretty difficult not to have dreams. Not to have desires. I guess that’s another contradiction. I do have those things, but I’ve stopped acknowledging them. Hope deferred makes the heart sick. But how do I live without deferring hope? This is definitely not the life I had envisioned for myself or for my son.
Contradiction of time spent. I feel like I have too much time and not enough time all at the same time. So what do I do with all of this? Where do I go with all of this contradiction? I give it again to the Lord, and I wait. I wait and I hope. The Lord says he knows the desires of my heart. He says that those who wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. He says that if I seek first the kingdom of God, all these things will be added unto me. Thank goodness that he knows what those are, because I sure don’t. All I can do is have faith that God will work all of this together for good. That he will restore what the canker-worm has stolen. That my job is to wait on the Lord. To be strong and to take heart and wait on the Lord. That I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
I’m sorry to even admit this, Lord, but I sure hope so. Which immediately brings me back to the reality that my life is paradise compared to the life experience of 98% of the world’s population. So Lord, forgive me for doubting and growing impatient. Help me to be strong. Renew my strength.
Come to think of it, Jesus is the ultimate contradiction. The spotless lamb and the Lion of the tribe of Judah. The beginning and the end. The servant and the king. Sacrificed for the sin of the world and glorified and seated at the right hand of the Father. Come to think of it, maybe this world of contradiction is right where I need to be. Bold but humble. Weak in myself but strong in the Lord.
“But if I go to the east, he (God) is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him. When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him. But he knows the way I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.” (Job 23:8–10, NIV, emphasis mine)
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